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I Hate My Brother; He is Travelling Abroad Without Me

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Sep 27, 2019

Question

Assalamu Aleikom! I am a university student. My childhood dream is to go to the West as a tourist. I am very passionate about traveling especially to Western countries like the UK.

My brother and my mother promised me a few years ago that when they can afford, they'll send me to the UK, but recently I found out that my elder brother with his wife is planning to go to the UK for their honeymoon. I feel jealous, confused, and betrayed as well.

I wanted to go along with my brother to the UK. I have been told to wait. My mother says now that she will keep her promise. So, what should I do in this situation? Shall I let my brother and his wife go to the UK? Or shall I talk to my brother and try to convince him to take me too? What should I do in this situation islamically?

I don't earn money, but my brother does. Islam gives me the right over my brother’s and the family’s money. Besides that, I am patient for a long time. It would be very difficult for me to travel alone. I feel as if my family is deceiving me. They are not serious in keeping their promise.

My brother has been to Dubai and Malaysia without me as I was little at that time. My brother could afford my traveling expenses, but he is not willing to take me with him to the UK. He says he is going with his wife, so he can't take me.

Honestly speaking, I want to kill my brother in his sleep with the kitchen knife as I can't digest his going abroad. Please, tell me what should I do islamically?

Counselor

Answer


I Hate My Brother; He is Travelling Abroad without Me

In this counseling answer:

• Try to calm down and think rationally. Would you like to bring your brother with you if you were going abroad for the honeymoon with your wife?

• To deal with your anger in a healthy way, maybe you should start exercising. It helps reducing stress.

• Remind yourself that anger will not fix anything.


Assalam Aleikom Brother,

Thank you for writing to us. I will try my best to assist you, Inshallah.

I can understand that you must be disappointed and frustrated because you are not going abroad with your brother. But you have to understand that he is going with his wife for a honeymoon. It would be inappropriate if you came along with them.

Disappointment

You are very disappointed, and it is quite clear that it makes you extremely angry with your brother.

I Hate My Brother; He is Travelling Abroad Without Me - About Islam

Disappointment is a psychological reaction to an outcome that does not match up to expectations. With disappointment, you experience sadness because you recognize that you have not gotten what you wanted. You protest with anger.

Anger allows you to continue idealizing what could have been while hanging onto it only because it is what they needed at the time.

Try to calm down and think rationally. Would you like to bring your brother with you if you were going abroad for the honeymoon with your wife? I don’t think you would and neither would your wife appreciate it.

Try to understand your brother’s situation. Maybe he will take you with him next time when his honeymoon period is finished. Right now he is spending time with his wife. He can probably not afford to bring you along anyway, as it is costly.

Finish Studies

I am glad to hear that you are a university student. Is it your final year? If you do not have much time left until you finish your studies, you can wait until you get a job and then you can save up and travel with your own money.  This way you don’t have to be dependent on anyone.


Check out this counseling video:


I would recommend that you get married after you have finished your education, so you have a partner to travel with. You don’t have to go alone.

Respect Your Brother

He is your older brother and you should respect him. I know you are angry with him, but put the anger to one side and think about all the good qualities he has and how much he loves you. The closest relative of a person after his parents are his siblings. Therefore, a person protects his siblings with compassion and loves them if they are younger. He shows them respect and does them favors if they are older.

Even if your brother could not take you on holiday with him, you should be nice and kind to him. As it says in the Qur’an:

‘’There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer, for he is concerned over you and to the believers he is kind and merciful.’’ (Surah At-Tawabah 9:128)

Be patient and think positive. You will definitely get the chance to travel very soon.

Distract Yourself

It is better if you don’t have an argument with your brother about it. It is his honeymoon trip and it would be a bit awkward if you mentioned it to him. Think before you speak.

It is easy to say something you will regret later, so be careful. You should probably talk to him in a good manner without hurting him when he is back from holiday and when you are calm.

To deal with your anger in a healthy way, maybe you should start exercising. It helps reducing stress.

Instead of focusing on what made you angry, work on what will be a better solution. Remind yourself that anger will not fix anything. It will just make things worse.

Keep yourself occupied and try not to over think things.

Spend time with your family and study hard so you can get a good job in the future, inshAllah. Keep yourself calm and pray to get some peace of mind.

May Allah ease your anger and make your wish come true,

Ameen.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

4 Ways to Break Free from Envy

Jealousy: Cause and Cure

Muslim Men Between Protectiveness & Selfish Jealousy




About Hadia Ali

Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: [email protected]

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