Answer
In this counseling answer:
“You have to figure out what is stirring such feelings in you and you need to communicate that to your siblings.
Effective communication is the key to any successful relationship.
Also, as an elder sibling, you need to spend more time with your other siblings.
Pray together with them and realize that patience is the secret quality leading to tolerance and selflessness.”
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,
Thank you for asking this very honest question. I can truly understand how you feel being the oldest sister.
I also have 4 younger siblings and it is very hard to feel selfless and tolerant ALL the time.
However, I truly believe that being the oldest is a blessing in disguise!
You must realize that Allah (swt) has placed a huge responsibility on you by making you the eldest.
Allah (swt) only places a soul in a condition of which He is sure they can handle.
Allah (swt) made you the eldest sister because He placed in you the qualities that He did not place in your younger siblings.
He made you a guide for them and their role model because He knew you could handle it well. You are basically the leader of the family and a born leader for your siblings.
It is your responsibility to your parents to help guide your siblings and ensure they are on the right path.
Unlike you, they do not possess the qualities which you do.
Therefore, dear sister, when you feel selfish and intolerant towards your younger sisters, you need to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspectives.
This can take place when you realize the importance you have in their lives.
To them, you are their advisor, their friend, their guide, their support.
With all the expectations they must be had from you, they forget that you are also a human and have short comings of your own.
Consider this, if you have had an elder sibling, what would have been your thoughts?
How would you like him/her to have behaved towards you? With kindness? Generosity? Tolerance? Friendliness?
In addition, I would like you to reflect on your own feelings. Why are feeling intolerant and selfish? What is it about the behavior of your siblings which is causing you to feel a certain way?
Once you have figured out what is stirring such feelings in you, you need to communicate that to your siblings. Effective communication is the key to any successful relationship.
You need to tell your siblings how you feel in certain circumstances and discuss ways of eliminating such circumstances from occurring.
In certain cases, you must also approach your parents if your siblings tend to behave in ways which you simply cannot handle.
Sometimes, when parents are very lenient on younger siblings and strict with older siblings, it does get hard to manage.
Therefore, you must be polite and frank when discussing if some things about your siblings is bothering you that only your parents can handle.
Next, if you already aren’t, you should focus on spending more time with your siblings.
Try spending a few hours a week together doing activities. For example, play a game of cards, play chess, and play sports.
When you spend time together doing activities, you will all be able to understand each other and feelings such as selfishness and intolerance will subside.
Most importantly, I suggest that you should all pray together as siblings.
Research in psychology has successfully proven that families that pray together and spend time together are actually sharing stronger bonds than those who do not.
Last but not least, you must realize that patience is the secret quality leading to tolerance and selflessness.
You need to practice patience and increase your level of patience. Sometimes, younger siblings can be impossible to handle.
However, with patience, everything becomes easy. Patience gives rise to a positive attitude, calmness, and understanding.
I sincerely hope that you can calm your feelings and share a positive and a happy life with your siblings in the future.
Salam,
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