Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam dear sister,
Firstly, I want to reassure you that most women go through the exact same emotions as you are, especially at the thought of a first pregnancy and childbirth. Adoption is also an admirable option, but does not have to be used as an option to overcome fears of pregnancy and childbirth.
Most women fear complications during pregnancy and pain during childbirth. Even sisters who are entirely devout to Allah (swt) and have every trust in Allah (swt) to the highest extent will experience this fear because it is a feeling unknown and the thought of all that happens will inevitably conjure up images of pain. Even beyond pregnancy and childbirth itself, women feel anxious about their changing role as they enter into motherhood and worry about how they will manage.
The best way to prepare for the entire experience is to read and find out as much as possible about the whole experience from beginning to end. This will help you feel more aware of what will happen to your body and plan and prepare ahead, both for the challenges of pregnancy and childbirth as well as a changed life and role as a mother. Specific things that might be most useful to you due to your anxiety are things like what to expect at each stage of pregnancy, including common ailments that might occur at certain stages of the pregnancy and why they happen. This will ease your mind that what you are going through is expected, such as heartburn in the later stages of pregnancy or frequent urination, not as a result of a urine infection.
You might also research pain relief options during childbirth as well as having a contact number for your nurse or hospital where you will be taken care of, in case you feel something is not quite right. Many hospitals allow you to have a look around their facilities to familiarise yourself with where you will be during labour and their facilities available. This can be a useful service to mentally prepare for delivery.
Attending antenatal classes is highly advisable, too, especially the first time, to meet other expectant mothers and to learn about what to expect during pregnancy as well as getting tips for childbirth. Being around others in the same situation can be hugely reassuring and comforting during a time when you are going through such a daunting and new experience.
Everyone has a different threshold for pain and will have an entirely different experience of the birthing process. As much pain or discomfort any woman will face, they end up with a beautiful result that will put a smile on their face that shows any pains were more than worth it for the end result. So, perhaps instead of focusing on the negatives such as the pain you might face, just think about what you are going through it for; bringing a child into this life to love and raise for the sake of Allah (swt). A huge blessing, indeed.
Allah (swt) is the best of creators, and as much as we might think that giving birth is such a huge feat and we couldn’t possibly imagine being strong enough to do, Allah (swt) created the woman’s body in such a way that the natural process of labour allows us to do so. And even in the cases of women who struggle with the process, alhamdulilah, medical advances have created options to overcome such difficulties. This can be a reassuring thing to remember when feeling anxious about the process.
Pregnancy is a great time to draw closer to Allah (swt), for the sake of your own mental health and anxieties as well as for your unborn child. Keep in mind that in the remembrance of Allah (swt) hearts do find rest; therefore, engaging in as much worship as possible during this time can be a very good way to anxieties.
If you choose to go ahead with trying for a baby, may Allah (swt) make it an easy and straightforward experience for you. Whether you chose adoption or having your own child, may Allah (swt) grant you a righteous child that will be the coolness of your eyes.
For parenting-related Q&As, please check our “Ask about Parenting” service.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides.