In this counseling answer:
• Stop thinking too much about your past. Learn from it, but don’t dwell on it.
• It is always worth talking to the close people in the family to get their advice, especially your mother or sisters.
• Allah tests those who he loves the most, so it is important to not lose hope and stay strong.
Assalam Alaikum Sister,
Thank you for writing to us about your concern. I will try my best to insist you, InshAllah.
Acknowledge the problem
You must be going through a hard time, but the good thing is that you acknowledge your problems and also that you want to do something about it. Everyone goes through hard times in life and it is possible to get over difficulties if you seek help. Hard times always go over; no sadness is for there to stay forever. You are very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Just be strong and you will be fine, inshAllah.
Focus on the future rather than your past
Having to deal with heartache, sadness, depression and suicidal thoughts at such a young age is not good at all, I am sorry to hear about your situation. As a 16-year-old, you were just a child and not mature enough to make the right decisions for yourself. Sometimes, it is hard to find good and loyal people in life, that’s why you have to be careful who you surround yourself with. You have learned the hard way, unfortunately, but at least you know now who is your friend and who is not. You are lucky you found out sooner than later, and you should thank Allah for that.
Do not be disappointed in yourself. Stop thinking too much about your past. Learn from it, but don’t dwell on it. Focus on what you want to be in life and what you want to do and start working towards it.
For example, if you want to be more active and keep your mind refreshed, I would suggest you push yourself to go to the gym for even 30 minutes, it will keep you away from unpleasant thoughts and unnecessary negativity.
If you are not the gym person and want to occupy yourself with other things, you can go to Muslim talks or seminars where you can interact with good people and at the same time educate yourself about Islam. It is not easy to be active and involved things when you are depressed, but sometimes you have to push yourself even if you don’t want to do it. Nothing good comes too easily, you have to work hard for it.
You seem to be a girl with courage, as many young girls at your age would not write to us like yourself. It tells that you want to be happy, gets close to Allah, gets married and stays away from sins, which is a very good thinking, MashAllah.
Not everyone who looks good on the outside is good on the inside. Be careful who you invest your feelings in. Your feelings are very precious and not everyone deserves them. I am glad you are mature and want to get married. Marriage is a very pure and respected relationship in Islam and it a beautiful bond between two people.
Check out this counseling video:
Why is it hard to marry the man you want? Have you told him you want to marry him and have you spoken to your parents about it? It is not worth it if it is making you sad, depressed and negative. Maybe it is not worth it, maybe he is not the right person for you. Look at the bright side; there are plenty of good people out there and I am sure you will find someone more suitable if you are patient. Your parents are your well-wishers, so I would suggest you speak to them about your wish to get married. They will understand you and help you find a good life partner.
Parents want the best for their children and they are usually able to make the right judgment about people as they have more knowledge and experience in life. It is always worth talking to the close people in the family to get their advice, especially your mother or sisters.
I would suggest you sit down with the person who is wise and who you feel close to in the family and have a talk about how you feel and that you want to get married. It is good to just get the feelings and thoughts out with people you can trust. They might give you good advice and help you. Do not feel alone and never keep things to yourself as it only leads to depression and anxiety.
Avoid being alone and try spending more time with your family. Do things with them, go out shopping, read with them, sit down with them and talk with them, cook with them etc.
Allah is with those who are patient
I am glad you realize that the devil (Shaitaan) is bothering you and making you negative towards everything. He loves it when a person gets detached from Allah and gets miserable. Please, do not let him get what he wants. He just wants to see you sad. You are stronger than that and all you need to do is to believe in Allah and start praying again. Allah tests those who he loves the most, so it is important to not lose hope and stay strong. Allah says in the Quran:
‘’Do not lose hope, nor be sad.’’ Qur’an 3:139
If you want something and want help, ask from Allah. He will help you. Patience has great status in the sight of Allah. You get a reward for being patient. Allah says in the Qur’an:
‘’Only those who are patient shall receive their rewards in full, without Hisaab (without limit, calculation, and estimation).’’ (Quran, 39:10)
Whenever you feel sad or depressed, open the Quran and start reading. When you feel like you are lonely and nobody is there to listen, start praying.
There is great judgment behind the trials and tests we go through in our difficult time. All the calamities we face and the troubles which come on our way are character builders which make us stronger than before. May Allah give us the strength to face difficulties with Patience!
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