My first problem was I had a doubt regarding wudu. I always feel like farting while making wudu and praying whenever I recite something in my salah.
I feel I'm doing it for the sake of shaitan and when I do dikr or say any dua starting with rabbana I feel I'm denoting shaitan.
Whenever I bend I feel that I'm bowing to shaitan. Whenever I swear bad words I feel I'm swearing on Allah.
Whenever I come across all these stuff I regret and repent and seek Allah forgiveness. But now asking forgiveness has tired me. Everything has tired me now.
I have started getting anxiety and panic attacks often where I have a constant urge to bow to anything or anyone blasphemy.
All these terrify me and I'm developing an aversion towards any ibadah.
I'm moving away from Allah and I’m watching dirty stuff, listening to music, and masturbating.
I really want to come out of this horror.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Remember Allah in everything you do.
Surround yourself with good and pious people who will have a positive influence on you.
Fill any gaps in your time by activities that will bring you closer to Allah.
Seek professional counseling.
It could be helpful for you to join our support group for Muslim converts.
Remember to seek refuge with Allah from Shaytaan.
As-Salamu alaikum sister,
It sounds like you are suffering from the whisperings of Shaytaan. This can indeed be very distressing and distracting, but that’s exactly what Shaytan wants.
The good news is, the fact that you are bothered by it, have asked for forgiveness and have sought help makes it clear that you want to break free from this and that you are strong enough to beat this.
We all face moments where our levels of eman drop, even the most pious of people go through the same so you are not alone.
Even some of the best of people at the time of the Prophet went through these same difficulties.
This is a normal part of faith. You have made it clear that you want to come out of this means that you are willing to do what you can to get back on track again.
There are many things you can do to work on breaking out of this and push Shaytaan away.
Remembering Allah
Remember Allah in all you do. Memorize the du’aa’s to be said before everyday actions such as eating, entering and leaving the house, entering and leaving the bathroom, etc.
This constant remembrance of all will keep Him constantly in mind and push Shaytaan away.
Even though you might not feel like praying sometimes and might be overcome by bad thoughts, continue to pray anyway. Don’t let Shaytaan win.
Remember to seek refuge with Allah from Shaytaan before you do the things that seem to be most troublesome, like making wudu and praying.
You’d be amazed at how those few words can keep your mind more focused.
Check out this counseling video:
Memorize the meaning of all the actions of prayer in your native language so that you can also be focused on the meaning as you read them.
Often, if Arabic is not your native tongue it can be easy to get distracted whilst in prayer.
Good company
Surround yourself with good and pious people who will be a positive influence on you.
Fill any gaps in your time with acts that will bring you closer to Allah such as making dhikr and reading Qur’an.
This will pull you closer to Allah and push Shaytaan away.
It might feel difficult at times, but Shaytaan likes it when you feel this way, so stay strong and keep at it.
You can make this easier for yourself by not overburdening yourself with these things.
Do them little and often. Start with obligatory prayers, memorize short surahs, read the Quran for just 10 minutes a day.
As it becomes easier for you, you can gradually increase the amount you do.
Editor’s note:
Sister, If all the above doesn’t work, we advise you to seek counseling.
It could be a mental disorder that needs treatment and you can only get help for that from professional counselors/therapists.
It could be helpful for you to join our support group for Muslim converts.
May Allah protect you from Shaytaan and guide you on the straight path.
Salam,
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