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Due to Doubts, I Made A Wrong Decision!

27 November, 2017
Q I was being in a business as a partner with my murabbi. It is her business. I wronged her in matters; I doubt her strategy in the business and I resigned from the business. I can’t tell details because I am afraid I am too opening in wrong way. I just want to ask If your respected mentor dislikes speak with you again because that friction, and she is the one who inspires me about making business and having a big dream and the one who help me a lot when time is hard and the one who is opening the gate of me to understand the condition of the da'wa activists. What to do? I am wrong. I did not clarify or ask enough about things and it was the biggest grass root reason I am out from this business. I am wrong too in being not able stopping my assumptions. So maybe she feels negative too. Because, when the friction comes up I feel like surprised why she is angry. Now I can't move on to any movement. Either business or study to college or dream of teaching people, or empower people. I am feeling guilty and clumsy if I am getting outside. I am feeling like my self-esteem is lost. I am feeling sinful but she is a clear type woman. When she says no it is a no. So I don't know what to do. One year and a half ago, I was dropped out of college and she helped me answer some of my questions regarding some stuff I misunderstood and yet knowing. Would you answer in ways I could internalize?

Answer

In this counseling answer:

“You can learn your lesson from this experience and try not to doubt others. At this point, even if you want to work with her, if she really does have ill feelings towards you it will always be difficult and not conducive to successful business strategies. In this case, you have the option to find someone else to work with if it feels like you will not be able to work with her successfully anymore. ”


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

It certainly is difficult when you look up to someone as an inspiration, but after having expressed some doubts toward them a sense of tension is constantly felt with them. It is not unusual for people in this situation, like you, to wonder who they will now turn to for inspiration as well as feeling a sense of guilt for doubting someone they respect so much. This will naturally lead to feelings about how they might move forward in the field.

You state your concern about making assumptions, well, Islamically we are encouraged not to make assumptions about people as it can be very dangerous and impact on relations. This is something that you are unfortunately learning now. Maybe your assumptions are right, maybe they are not, but the only way you will know for sure is to actually talk with her about it and find out what is going on. Often there can be many other explanations for people’s seemingly negative behaviour towards you.

This could be especially true in the world of business where there any number of things that could be causing her stress at this time. Things that’s perhaps she does not want to share with you. If you are comfortable to talk to her then you could try this, or if not then it is best to do all you can to not make assumptions about her anymore and instead practice making excuses for her attitude towards you, attributing it other potential reasons, such as stress at work. This will help you to overcome any hard feelings towards her which might be effecting your relationship with her.

Furthermore, you can learn your lesson from this experience and try not to doubt others. At this point, even if you want to work with her, if she really does have ill feelings towards you it will always be difficult and not conducive to successful business strategies. In this case, you have the option to find someone else to work with if it feels like you will not be able to work with her successfully anymore. There are many options available to you. You can go on to study or work. Instead of letting this experience hold you back, instead, use it to grow. Take lessons from it to help you to learn to work more effectively with others in the future.

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If you still feel unsure about what route to take, find solace in the remembrance of Allah and even pray istikhara that Allah will guide you to do what is right for you and He will open all the doors that are best for you and close those that are not.

 

May Allah bring you ease during your difficulties and guide you to the path that is right for you that both you and He will be pleased with.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)