I have two childhood friends whom I grew up together with. I am the eldest among them. We were always together, talking, eating and doing everything together.
Now, we are in our mid 40's, married with kids. Unfortunately, the two of them aren't on good terms now, they aren't talking to each other due to some misunderstandings.
All effort from me to reconcile them failed. Their attitude is really hurting me and I don't know what to do.
Please I need help. Jazakallahu Khairan.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
“Try inviting them over so that they can talk in your presence as well as in your absence. When they will face each other one-to-one, they will be in a better position to clear out all the misunderstandings, forgive each other and start over.”
Wa ‘Aleikom Salam Dear brother,
Allah will surely bless you because of your efforts aiding reconciliation. It is highly advisable to end such conflicts between people.
Three of you have spent a very good time together where the memories of childhood are engraved in every individual and such friendships usually last for ages.
Importance of friendship
Islam clearly guides the ummah about the importance of friendship and instructs about keeping away from disputes, ridicule, and excessive jokes amongst friends.
Islam teaches people to respect and show affection towards each other and seek kindness, loyalty, generosity, knowledge and good virtues amongst friends.
Time
In your case, I would like you to get an insight into the cause of the conflict. Remember, it is often difficult to accept mistakes, forgive, and move on.
You have to give time for things to settle down. As you have mentioned, everyone is busy with their own families and things are passing by.
Check out this counseling video:
Reconcile
Despite all your efforts, you can surely give another try. Ask your friends separately about what actually happened between them and try giving them an alternate solution, because quite often people tend to adorn a self-directed outlook towards an issue.
For instance, if they say the other person is not putting an effort, make them realize that they are also doing the same. You can remind them about the moments spent together and how important it has been.
Moreover, you need to arrange events where your two friends get to interact or at least see each other more often.
For example, it can be a school reunion and you can certainly come up with ideas of pairing your two friends for a surprise quiz.
Once this starts and your practice of reminding them about good old times get into action, your friends will begin to miss the best companies of their life.
Communicate
In addition, you can tell your friends about the benefits of forgiving the other person and the importance of compromise in a relationship that is always based on giving and take. This process will take time but stick to it and don’t lose hope.
Once you realize that you have achieved something, try inviting them over so that they can talk in your presence as well as in your absence.
When they will face each other one-to-one, they will be in a better position to clear out all the misunderstandings, forgive each other and start over.
Pray to Allah and He will surely help.
“And brought together their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have brought their hearts together; but Allah brought them together. Indeed, He is Exalted in Might and Wise.” (8:63)
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