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Why Doesn’t He Favor Me Over His Other Wife?

01 November, 2022
Q Husband Hi . I am the 2nd wife of my husband, highly educated and a beautiful person inside out. I got married last year as per my family choice and pressure. I wasn't interested in getting married to an already married person (my cousin) but later for their wish and happiness I didn't say a word and got married and fulfilled their wish. My husband wanted a 2nd marriage because he had many problems with his first wife such as she was skeptical, greedy and always making house environmental hell for him. She demanded lots of money and stuff for herself and children and told him to get married now. I wasn't interested at first but later on I loved him and always had respect since the first day of marriage.

My problem is that he treats both wives equally which makes me jealous a lot. We are not the same in anything (age, background, education, upbringing). I am a young person who wants to spend time with my husband but she keeps calling him and causing him distress and he usually used to ignore her before marriage but now he equally treats us both. I never questioned him for his money, property expenses and how much he spends there. But she shouts only if he buys me groceries.

I am really emotional and have a tiny heart. I always ask him why he loves his 2nd wife and why he married me. If I knew what marriage is and close and sensitive I would have never at first listened to my mom and married him.

Please guide me how to cure my heart.

I used to be such a positive up to life person but after marriage I am broke and not the same anymore. It’s not hard for me to accept the fact my husband has a wife and 5 kids but it's really hard to think he doesn't love me enough to spend himself and his time only for me. I am emotionally bothered by this too much. Note (he loves me a lot but when it comes to favor things, he always says no which I hate the most) because how come a person (2nd wife who is 26) and first wife aged 39 and having 5 kids can be the same (emotionally and mentally). This hurts me a lot. He doesn't know my age requirements and is always telling me his problems and stuff...please guide me in this matter.


If your husband does not favor you over his other wife, he is doing it right. Allah commanded equal treatment and justice for wives in a polygamous marriage.

Even if you are different in age, traits, and circumstances, you need to learn to deal with your hurt for not being the preferred one. How can you do that?

When you enter into a marriage, especially into polygny, your willingness and consent are very important. Especially if they differ from your family’s wishes. 

Check out the counselor’s advice here.  

More audio counseling:


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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.