I have made tawba 3 months ago for my sins and since then I am in a constant battle with myself. I have doubts that feel real ( is the Quran real? did the prophet exist?) I am a believer and I do believe but I have this hopelessness today I never had before.
I used to hold on to Allah but now I am not even sure I know him. I mean, I love Allah but today my heart is strange. I can't believe in Allah anymore. I never had this. It is terrible.
I talked to almost everybody but no family no friends no Islamic teacher can help me. I need my faith back.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Please do make a list of what you are feeling if you have experienced any trauma, when this “disconnection” began, as well as notate any other signs, symptoms in other area’s of your life.
Please do contact a therapist for an assessment and if needed, counseling and treatment.
As you have talked to others including an imam and it has not helped, please do get a mental health assessment insha’Allah.
As salamu alaykum,
Thank you for writing to us. I’m sorry to hear what you are going through sister, truly. It is a difficult and painful feeling I can imagine. You clearly love Allah sister, this is evident by your writing to us as well as by your extreme distress over your perceived disconnection from Allah and your doubts. Sister, at different times in life our faith can go up and down. This happens for many reasons.
Feelings
I would kindly ask that you look at other areas in your life. Has your feelings changed about other things such as your parents, school, friends, family? Do you have enthusiasm and happiness in other area’s of your life, or is your relationship with Allah and your belief in the Qur’an the only aspect of your life that has changed?
Also, please do take a good look at how you are reacting in other situations. Do you feel depressed, do you feel anxiety, panic? Are you comfortable in social situations or do you avoid them? Do you find yourself doubting other things in your life? Do you ever feel compelled to do things over and over again or display any obsessive compulsive thoughts? Has any trauma happened to you or a loved one?
Root Problem
Sister, please do examine these questions carefully. You may want to write them down and look at your responses. It could be that it is not a spiritual condition but it may be a mental health issue.
Often times when one is depressed it can cause a loss of faith and belief even though the sufferer knows deep down that they do believe and they do love Allah, however, they cannot get out of the depression or sometimes, they do not even know they are depressed. Another possibility is an obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
Anxiety
This is on the anxiety spectrum and can cause one to have repetitive and intrusive thoughts which the person cannot control. While I cannot diagnose you sister and I am not saying that you do have these disorders, I am recommending that you seek out counseling. A counselor in your area can help to rule out the possibility of these issues and others that may be the cause of your spiritual distress.
After you have written down your feelings and responses, please do speak with your parents about how you are feeling. Bring your writings if needed so you will have a clear concept of what may be going on so you can present to them a concise description of how you are feeling. Insha’Allah, inform them you would like to go to counseling to get to the root of your issues.
Check out this counseling video:
Resolution
If you do suffer from depression, OCD, anxiety or other mental health issues, it can be resolved insha’Allah. Many people-in fact millions suffer from these disorders, they are common sister and they can, in fact, affect our spiritual connection through no fault of our own. Our responsibility, however, is to get help and over come any obstacles that impair our lives sister.
Please do make a list of what you are feeling if you have experienced any trauma, when this “disconnection” began, as well as notate any other signs, symptoms in other area’s of your life. Please do contact a therapist for an assessment and if needed, counseling and treatment.
As you have talked to others including an imam and it has not helped, please do get a mental health assessment insha’Allah.
Until your appointment for an assessment, continue to strive to stay close to Allah through prayer, dhkir and reading Qur’an even though you may not “feel” it. If thoughts come to you that are contrary to what you know in your heart, picture a big red STOP sign in your mind to halt these thoughts and doubts. Know that Allah loves you sister despite how you are feeling right now.
You are in our prayers, please let us know how you are doing.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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