Now, I am pregnant Alhumdulilah and I have this extreme fear of death during process for child birth. I have heard some horror real stores of women who died during c section. Now I am obsessed with this thought that I will also die during childbirth I won’t be able to see my child or spend time with my child.
My husband lives abroad after our marriage we only spend 3 months together in 2 years of marriage. I didn’t spend time with my husband these thoughts are making me so depressed. I cry in sujood I ask help from Allah but still I have this fear my due date is near and my fear becoming worse.
I always thoughts it is something related to a sign from Allah that my death is near, my death is approaching. Are these thoughts real? Are these signs from Allah that my death is near? I am also visiting psychiatrist but still medicine is not helping.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- To experiencing the kind of anxieties that you are is something that many women go through in pregnancy. Your previous experience is understandably exacerbating these feelings.
- Ask if your psychiatrist has any experience working with grief, particularly child loss.
- Focus on surrounding yourself with support from loved ones, friends, and family who will not feed into this negativity and instead instill more positivity.
- Use this fear as motivation to better yourself and take active steps to do so.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
First and foremost, Allahumma barik, congratulations on your pregnancy.
May Allah grant you a healthy child who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
I also understand that, whilst this is happy news to be excited about, you are also experiencing the psychological consequences of your previous experience of pregnancy, which ended so sadly.
Inna lilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. May Allah bring you ease and strength in dealing with your loss and may He reunite you with the baby you lost in Jannah.
To experiencing the kind of anxieties that you are is something that many women go through in pregnancy.
You are not alone there. However, your previous experience is understandably exacerbating these feelings.
Normal to Feel Anxious
This is making you perhaps more anxious than others may be during pregnancy, but it is a completely understandable reaction to your situation.
It is perfectly normal for any woman who has experienced child loss, whether during pregnancy or after giving birth, to be plagued with similar thoughts to what you are having.
However, even though these are quite normal feelings to be having, knowing that you are not alone will certainly help a bit, but it doesn’t take the feeling away entirely.
As your due date draws closer, your anxiety is getting worse and affecting your psychological wellbeing, which is not good for you or the baby.
Therapy and Counseling
I am glad to read that you are seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication.
This would be the first thing I would ask you to look into. Unfortunately, it seems neither is working for you at present.
Regarding this, I would also ask you to think of a couple of things.
Both psychotherapy and medication can take a little time to work, so I wonder if they are not working yet as it is something new.
Perhaps you have been using both for some time and this is not the issue, but I wanted to make you aware of that in case it is something relatively new for you.
I would also ask if your psychiatrist has any experience working with grief, particularly child loss.
It can make quite a difference to be counseled by someone who has experience with your particular situation. Again, maybe she does, but it is something that is worth considering given your circumstances.
Additionally, whilst it can be tempting to read around about “horror birth stories,” this is clearly doing you no good, so I would advise you to stay away from them as they seem to be significantly contributing to your reduced psychological wellbeing.
Focus on Your Loved Ones
Instead, focus on surrounding yourself with support from loved ones, friends, and family who will not feed into this negativity and instead instill more positivity.
This should at least in part help you to divert your attention to something less worrisome.
Aside from your present concerns, this is also important given the absence of your husband much of the time.
From an Islamic perspective, again, you are doing the right thing by taking your affairs to Allah first and foremost and seeking His aid.
You are doing so during sujood and are open to pouring out your fears to Him. In sha Allah, this is providing you with some relief, but at the same time, I understand you are still feeling distressed.
Here, if I were to advise you to take another approach too, I would say that death is something that we all fear to some extent.
Sometimes anxiety can reach levels of irrational fear and be completely debilitating.
Alhamdulilah, in Islam, we can use this in a more positive way. Use this fear as an opportunity to take a good look at yourself and ask yourself if you are ready for death.
Have you done enough good deeds? Have you abandoned sin? Do you worship Allah as you should? And so on.
Use Fear as a Motivation
Use this fear as motivation to better yourself and take active steps to do so.
After all, one of the main reasons we fear death as Muslims is our fear that we didn’t do enough to earn a place in eternal paradise.
Thinking of death and fearing Allah reminds us of the things that we should be doing to earn Allah’s pleasure. It is scary, but what better way to push us towards the good of both this life and the Hereafter?
Use your loss and current anxieties as a means to a positive solution by seeing some kind of blessing in them, as distressing as they may be, but yet at the mercy of the Most Merciful.
May Allah bring peace and contentment into your heart and grant you an easy pregnancy and delivery. May He bless you with a healthy child who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
Read more from Hannah Morris:
- How to Deal with My Narcissistic Mother?
- Reverted to Islam, but I’ve Become an Introvert
- How to Deal with Cultural Differences in a Marriage?
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