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How to Overcome My Fears of Not Having Control?

11 September, 2022
Q How to overcome fear I have no control i am taking medicines tooo but no help

Answer

Salam Aleikom dear brother!

Thank you for writing! I am so sorry that you have been suffering from fear of not having control. You take medicine but it is not effective enough. 

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Usually, medicines prescribed to decrease the intensity of your symptoms won’t solve the causes of your problems. 

Therefore, I highly recommend you seek help from a clinical psychologist in one-on-one therapy besides your medicine. You should also mention to your doctor that the prescribed medicine does not help you control your fears.  

Fear of Losing Control

About the fear of losing control, Psychology Today writes: 

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One of the most prevalent fears people have is that of losing control. This is the fear that if you don’t manage to control the outcome of future events, something terrible will happen. People who are chronic sufferers from such losing-control anxiety keep themselves continuously in a heightened state of stress with only brief, unsatisfying intermissions between fears.”

You are not alone brother with these fears. 

If you think of our history on earth, people have always been living in uncertainty: illnesses, wars, economic crises. Life has never been stable. We have to learn how to deal with the natural uncertainty of life..   

Remember:

Undoubtedly, along with hardship there is ease….94:6

Dealing with Anxiety

Psychology Today further states about anxiety:

People with losing-control anxiety are perfectionists. They demand perfect certitude—or near perfect certitude—and when they don’t get it, they worry and ruminate about it. This is a formula for a rollercoaster ride that never ends—until, of course, you die.

So, the key to controlling your losing-control anxiety is letting go of your demand for certainty—in other words, giving up your unrealistic perfectionism about reality.

Also, attaining serenity is possible only if you face the uncertainty of the future with courage. This means refusing to cave to the fear of uncertainty, forcing yourself to walk away from your rumination and worry, and to do something constructive with your life.”

To overcome your fear of losing control, you can:

  •         Try to act on the evidence. Look for evidence to check whether these fears are realistic or not.
  •         Make a habit of checking the validity of your thoughts
  •         Resign yourself to living by probability, not by guarantee.
  •         Accept yourself as an imperfect being who is inherently subject to making mistakes. 
  •         Stop worrying and ruminating now, not later.

These things really are in your control.

As we are Muslims, we have a very strong weapon against anxiety: trusting in Allah.

Believe That…

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286)

Because He also says:

 “And put your trust in Allah, and sufficient is Allah as a Trustee (Disposer of Affairs),” (Al-Ahzab, 33:3)

“O, you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah, and speak (always) the truth. He will direct you to do good deeds and will forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, he verily has got a great success,” (Al-Ahzab, 31:70-71).

So brother, I highly encourage you to have strengthening the relationship with Allah your top priority.

How?

Say your morning and night duas, these are many good apps that help you read.

Ibn Qayyim said about these azkars: ‘The morning and evening adhkār play the role of a shield; the thicker it is, the more its owner is protected. Rather, its strength can reach to such an extent that the arrow shot at it will bounce back to affect the one who shot it.’

Recite the Quran every day, learn its tafseer and contemplate on its words.

Pray with concentration.

Study any aspect of Islam that you feel brings you closer to Allah and strengthens your trust in Him. AboutIslam has many beautiful articles on trusting Allah. Read them and get inspired inshallah, here are some:

How To Trust Allah’s Plan?

Trust Allah; Know Your Creator

Trust in Allah Doesn’t Just Happen! Here is How to Develop It

4 Ways to Boost Your Trust in Allah

I hope my answer was of your benefit brother. May Allah make things easy for you. If you need more in-depth advice, try our life-coaching services.

Amen,

Read more from Aya Timea:

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Timea Aya Csányi
Timea Aya Csányi studied Psychology and Islamic Studies Bsc. at the International Online University. She is a certified NLP® Practitioner, one of our writers and counselors at the "Ask the Counselor" section. She has been the editor of the "Ask the Counselor" section for 10 years. Now she mainly works as a fitness trainer and journalist.