Answer
Answer:
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatulahi wa Barakatuh,
It sounds like you truly are suffering from severe depression if you are feeling low enough to self-harm and think about suicide. Support from the family can be a key factor not only in managing the financial aspect of affording assistance with your depression, but in managing feelings of depression. Your mom’s refusal to believe you can only add to the psychological difficulties you are presently facing, rather than comforting them.
We can begin by trying to understand why your mom denies your feelings and perhaps approach the situation in a different way that she might be more accepting of the fact that you are depressed and, therefore, help her to be more supportive. Firstly, remember that as her child, she does not want to see you in any pain. It hurts her to see you in pain, so it might be that she does her best to deny it to avoid the pain that she will experience as a result of accepting that her own child experiences such trauma in her life.
Put yourself in her shoes. Think about how much it would hurt you if you knew that she felt as low as you do, enough to self-harm and think about suicide. It would be likely difficult for you to stomach the fact that she feels this bad. Naturally, as close family members, there will be this sense of empathy that would make you start feeling these same negative thoughts as you feel for her situation. She may have the same feelings towards you if she should accept the fact that you are depressed. Nobody likes to experience negative feelings and will do everything they can to avoid having to experience such feelings. Denial can be one way of achieving this.
Keep in mind, too, that there is a lot of stigma around mental health problems such as depression. She may fear the consequences of accepting a diagnosis of depression on yourself and the way people might stigmatize you and discriminate against you. Therefore, she wants to do all she can to avoid this for you. Thus, the aim of her denying your depression, either consciously or unconsciously may be her way of protecting you from the negative responses of others.
Another possible reason she might be denying it is quite simply because she doesn’t know how to manage it. She might not even know what to do to best support you. Instead, she might feel it is best to try and challenge your negative feelings with more positive ones that will pull through as she tells you. Maybe she feels that accepting your depression may only feed into your negative feelings. Certainly, if you look at it from an Islamic perspective, your mom is quite right. With patience, you will pull through, in sha’Allah.
“O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” (Qur’an, 2: 153)
And ultimately,
“Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.” (Qur’an, 94: 6)
So, maybe you could frame it to her not as depression, but as just needing her support. Naturally, parents want to support their children, but perhaps framed in a more subtle way. Understanding the reasons why she denies your depression might help you to feel less neglected by her as you come to understand that the reasons behind her denying it may either be as a means to protect you, or to avoid negative feelings in herself, or a way to encourage both you and her to think more positively about your situation in order to overcome it.
Given that you don’t have the means to afford your own help, you might also seek support from online support groups where you can speak to other young ladies like yourself who have faced the same difficulties. By talking with others, you will get the support of others. They may have some useful advice on how to address this issue.
There are also many online self-help tools available online, namely using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, that have many resources available such as worksheets that you can work through yourself whilst learning new ways to cope with the depression you face. These types of services are all available for free and, therefore, may be a good place for you to try. Whilst this is no replacement for family support, it will provide you with some of the comfort that you are looking for.
Whilst engaging in such activities, do remember as well to keep Allah (swt) close in remembrance and find comfort in this too
“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” (Qur’an, 13:28)
Making sure to complete your obligatory duties and engaging in voluntary acts of worship too when you are able will help keep Allah (swt) constantly in mind and will serve as a reminder to you that with patience through this trial, He (swt) will see you through. Firm belief in this as an outcome will only happen if you keep your emaan levels as high as possible by ensuring that you are in frequent remembrance of Him (swt) and His Mercy.
May Allah (swt) bring comfort in your life and make it easy to overcome you negative feelings.
Salam,
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