In this counseling answer:
It is no point and definitely not good for your mental health to be with a man who is abusing you verbally and gives you no respect. Therefore, the counselor advises the sister to express her feelings to her husband when she finds him in a good and calm mood. She advises to discuss the problems and find solutions which both sides feel comfortable with.
It is really sad to hear about your story. Nobody should go through such a betrayal in a marriage.
Islam is a beautiful religion, and some people make it look so bad when they are so dishonest and act in a cruel way. It is a big sin to lie and hurt somebody. Your experience with these Muslim men have been very unfortunate, and I can understand that you might be feeling hurt and confused.
What your husband is doing is very selfish and abusive. He must know that what he is doing is completely wrong. You have many rights as a wife that he is not fulfilling at all, according to your message.
Allah (swt) has instructed men to be nice to their wives and treat them to the best of their ability. It has been mentioned in the Qur’an:
“…And live with them in kindness…” (4:19)
A good husband is one who communicates, who is willing to open up, and who does listen to his wife.
Islam tells us that marriage is “half of deen” because it fulfills so many basic needs of an individual and of the society. But unfortunately, a lot of Muslim men do not know what responsibilities they have when they get married.
Women in Islam are much honored. They have been granted an equal status with men, but it is ignored many times because of cultural practices.
It is no point and definitely not good for your mental health to be with a man who is abusing you verbally and gives you no respect. If he married you just to get Visa permission in the country you reside, then I am sorry, he has no intention to be sincere with you. He is already married and that’s something he chose to keep secret from you. He betrayed you and Allah (swt) will punish him for that. I am not advising you to divorce him. This is your personal decision to make, and nobody knows better than yourself what is best for you. Divorce, in general, is very discouraged in Islam, but it is permissible and in certain cases even encouraged.
I would advise you to talk to him in a cool and good manner when you are alone and he is in a calm mood. You should explain to him how you feel and that you feel upset when he talks to you in an abusive manner. Ask him what he wants and what you can do to find a solution to the problems you are going through in your marriage. Remember, if he does not want to be with you or is only misusing you, then you should not accept it. Constant fights and abuse are not signs of a healthy marriage, and nobody deserves to go through this. You are an individual with your rights, so please do not let anyone mistreat you. You deserve way better.
May Allah (swt) make it easier for you and give you patience.
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