As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
Alhamdulillah that your three beautiful children have received the best of nourishment by the grace of Allah (swt).
Dear sister, allay your fears because it is less common but not abnormal for there to be a change in size in the manner you describe.
As women, we always want to look our best, but when that best becomes the focus of attention and a woman is seen only for her physical beauty, then she is susceptible to not being seen as anything more than that.
When our physical appearance becomes all important, we take away attention from our spiritual development and how we relate to others.
When it comes to your husband, the more you place attention on what you consider to be “missing”, the more likely that the object of your attention becomes a source of ill-content.
Prophet Muhammad (saw) gave the following advice:
“Mu’awiya came to Medina for the last time and delivered a sermon. He took out a tuft of hair and said, “I thought that none used to do this (i.e. use false hair) except Jews. The Prophet (saw) labelled such practice, (i.e. the use of false hair), as cheating.” (Bukhari)
The above hadith may not reflect your concern, but it does illustrate a basic principle, and that is one against deception.
A mother, who was concerned for her daughter went to Prophet Muhammad (saw) and said:
“I have married my daughter (whose) hair of head have fallen. Her spouse likes them (the long hair). Allah’s Messenger, may add false hair to her head? He forbade her to do this.” (Muslim)
In this hadith, the same principal against deception is demonstrated in a similar context to yours that is the spouse’s preference.
This might seem a bit cruel because in today’s world too much is based upon appearance, and from this much deceit and corruption ensues.
Once, one is willing to go down one path of deceit, other paths open, even if the original act of deceit was a personal one.
The calmer and accepting you can be with what is right on the road to honesty, openness, and acceptance, the more rewarding channels of communication open up.
“And surely I will lead them astray, and surely I will arouse desires in them, and surely I will command them and they will cut the cattle’s ears, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah’s creation. Whoso chooseth Shaytan for a patron instead of Allah is verily a loser and his loss is manifest.t” (4: 119)
In Islam, when it comes to cosmetic surgery of any kind, the scale weighs in the balance of duress.
In other words, need out of suffering is the condition under which one may have cosmetic surgery.
If, it is the case, that your marriage is at risk because of what you complain, then it is allowable.
But be mindful of distinguishing between what causes suffering and anxiety based on one’s desires. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid tells us:
“There are cosmetic surgical procedures which are haram and are not considered to be excusable; these are seen as tampering with the creation of Allah for the sake of beauty.
Examples include: breast enlargement or reduction, and procedures aimed at reversing the signs of ageing, such as face-lifts etc.
The Islamic view is that these are not permitted, because there is no urgent need or necessity for them; rather, the aim is to change and tamper with the creation of Allah for reasons of human vanity”.
Choose this as an opportunity to strengthen the bond of your relationship with your husband thought the kind of emotionally intimacy that will help you rise above appearances and reach through to each other’s hearts to the extent that you are both beautiful to each other, regardless of how you look.
Do not underestimate the power of a look, a touch, compassion, and heartfelt words, sister.
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