Out of Control When Away From My Wife

04 August, 2018
Q As-Salamu 'Alaykum, I married recently. I am staying away from my wife, and I have become addicted to masturbation. I usually speak to my wife on the phone and masturbate. Does it have an effect on my marital life, and will I have problems in becoming a father?



As-Salamu `Alaikum,

Thank you for writing to us. We understand that it can be challenging on so many levels to remain physically away from one’s spouse. However, resorting to masturbation is not the proper solution. You have to be able to come to terms with the fact that the separation is within your control. Whatever the reason is for your staying away from your wife, you should do your best to change the situation.

If your job keeps you away from your wife for extended periods of time, six months or longer, it is not wise for you to continue in such a job because what you are contributing to the family in terms of earnings from this job will never make up for your physical presence in the life of your family, especially your wife.

Among the many blessings of marriage is that according to Islamic teachings, both the husband and the wife are able to satisfy their mutual sexual desires without any feelings of guilt or shame. In your case, it is clear that you are frustrated because you are unable to be with your wife. However, we urge you not to continue masturbating.

If you continue to masturbate, over time, you will affect your married life because in the absence of your wife, Shaytan might tempt you to believe that you are, in fact, self-sufficient in terms of fulfilling your sexual desires. In order to stimulate yourself, you are at risk of turning to pornography or some such forbidden materials.

Worse yet, when you are finally able to be with your wife, you will be at risk of either reaching climax prematurely or finding that you need resort to satisfying yourself in order to achieve climax. In terms of becoming a father, if you find that your wife is unable to conceive and you are concerned about your sperm count, we urge you to have a medical check-up.

Please do not take lightly the topic of masturbation and do your best to either find a job which will allow you to be with your wife more frequently or engage in beneficial activities to keep your mind and thoughts off of just satisfying your physical desires.

And Allah (swt) knows best.


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About Abdul-Lateef Abdullah
Abdul-Lateef Abdullah, an American convert to Islam, obtained his Bachelor’s degree in Political Science & Economics at the University of Delaware, his Master’s degree in Social Work from Columbia University, and recently completed his Ph.D. from the Institute for Community & Peace Studies, Universiti Putra Malaysia, in the field of Youth Studies. He has worked as a Program Assistant for the Academy for Educational Development (Washington, D.C.); a Social Worker at the Montefiore Medical Center (Bronx, New York); and the Director of Documentation and Evaluation at Community IMPACT! (Washington, D.C.). He has also worked with the the Taqwa Gayong Academy (New Jersey, U.S.A./Penang, Malaysia) for troubled youth, both Muslim and non-Muslim. As a recent (1999) convert to Islam, he spends much time writing about his experiences as a Muslim-American convert.