As-Salaamu ’Alaikum sister,
I feel for you, being in a new marriage takes adjustment. When my sister got married and moved away from our family, she cried and called us every day. Over time, she adapted and found joy in bonding with her husband and building her future family. I believe your mother gave good advice when she said “pretend at first then you will get used to it.”
The reality is that you chose this marriage, sister, by giving full authority to your parents to decide for you who to marry and when to marry. You said: “I told my parents as you wish, I will get married to whoever you say.”
It is unfortunate that you feel you wish you did not get married, but you did play a role in this. Focus on the bright side. You said that your husband is attractive, a good person and your parents like him. You said he does not hurt you or treat you bad. Thus, the sadness and feeling of wanting “to run away from” may be linked to:
- getting married too soon to someone you don’t know as deeply as you would like
- realizing your life has suddenly changed and you are having trouble adapting
- you are having withdrawals from being with family and miss being at home
To address the above points, reflect on the following, sister:
You trust your parents and you know they love you, so trust in this marriage path that they facilitated. Give it more time and try to be open to the good of your situation. All marriages take adjustment; you are not the first or the last one to go through this life transition.
You may feel you do not love him right now, but perhaps the love will grow over time and with sincere effort. I am not sure what you expect love is supposed to look and feel like, but if he is a good person and he treats you well, it is likely that you will grow feelings for him.
If you feel you are not ready to engage in physical intimacy with him, then express that you are uncomfortable for the time being. Take it slow and practice non-sexual touch so that you are not traumatized by anything too intense at first. If he is a good person, I am sure he will understand.
My last point of advice is to take measures not to get pregnant so that you can focus on your personal and marriage development. Give it an honest chance, and if after a year you still feel the same way, then you may want to address this with your parents once you have more substantial experiences around the incompatibility of the relationship.
You could consider marriage counseling to help you adjust to your process. I am located in the United States and you can easily reach out to me at noorpsychology.com
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