As Salamu ‘Alaykum dear sister,
We are sorry to hear about the circumstances of your marriage. As your husband was driking before you married him, one wonders on what basis you chose him as your life time partner. The habit of drinking alcohol is not an easy one to break, especilly if one is an alcoholic, and something says that there is more to the problem than meets the eye. By this, I am not referring to you, but to the fact that somoen who spend his life drinking, and avoiding loved ones is running away from something, as a alcohol acts as a depressant. If your husband is an alcoholic you would observe:
- That he has a strong desire to drink
- He cannot stop drinking once he starts
- Will suffer withdrawal (nausea, sweating, anxiety, shakiness) symptoms if he is deprived of alcohol
For any hope in change of lifestyle, the focus should not be your rights, but your husband’s welfare. Firstly, what he is doing is haram, and secondly he is putting his health at risk – he might be aware of this, and he might not, but through compassion, you might be able to help him comes to terms with the fact that he has a problem. While aiming to do so, ask him again about sleeping in the same bedroom. What is important here is not whether he means it or not if he agrees, but that you seond some time with him, for in this way you can observe what is going on with him. Alcohol afffects his sleeping pattern so be mindful of this. What matters is that you see how much is it a problem. If there is a real problem, then you will need help – you cannot do it on your own. You will need to find out if there are any resources in your country of residence that can help your husband stop, followed with therapy or counseling.
Of course, all of this assumes that you are up to being there for him psychologically and emotionally. Raising 5 children is no mean feat. Yet considering that you are not in your home country, you have to consider whether or not you are able to take care of the children on your own, and if so, what would be his roles as a father. These are no easy issues, for to face, especially as Islam goes beyond the issue of personal rights, as each right as an obligation, and each obligation requires some sacrifice.
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