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Jobless Husband Doesn’t Help at Home

29 August, 2023
Q I am married for 15 years and in this time, he has been quite a few times, or when he had job that the money was not enough to make ends meet and I have worked all these years to support. Now husband is jobless for 1 year and we don't have any savings to rely on. I have a stable job and I am supporting alone. My patience is giving up and I am tired. I work 4 jobs and make ends meet while he applies from LinkedIn and waits for miracle to happen.

His contribution in the house has been none, just recently of me complaining and pressurizing him he has started to do few chores. I have now started to pressurize him and fights him to leave the house every day to earn money from anywhere. I am always depressed, tired and pressured. When I say things to him out of anger, he dislikes it and abuses and calls my mother and says bad things about me. He doesn't realize that he is of no help in chores or financially. What should I do?

I want to pressurize him very hard now so that he starts doing something... Will it be wrong? If I be more sarcastic to make him realize some shame in him. Pls help

Answer

In hard times, you can expect the support of your husband. But it does matter how you express your needs.

Sarcasm and criticism usually shut each other down and push you even further away from the solution.

Choose a praising approach. Remind him of the times when you felt him on your side and what you liked about him in the first place.

Show concern about the negative changes you have experienced in his behavior and your worry about his wellbeing.

Be supportive in order to receive support. Be respectful, and know that you have the right to be treated with respect too.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.