This does stress me out because I am not used to this from my family and I have tried to encourage him to pray with me but sometimes he tells me to go ahead on my own. This makes me worried for any future children (iA) because I want salah to be something that is encouraged and not seen like a task or something.
Also him and his family watch and talk a lot about movies, celebrities, tv shows and I struggle with this too. Not all of the content in the shows are good and I know that we as believers in Allah need to strive towards being more mindful of Him.
When I go to his family home to visit them I end up feeling drained because of the conversation on these topics. I feel like I can't share these concerns with my husband because I do not want him to feel that I am judging him or his family.
I am worried that our differences in attitudes towards certain things like entertainment will cause a lot of disagreements and arguments when we have children in the future, if Allah wills.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- People generally do not like being constantly reminded that they are not doing enough. Many react with defensive behavior and may even do less as a form of self-defense.
- Holding on your shoulder his spiritual responsibilities won’t help on the long run. Even, you may model this pattern to your kids, which probably is not your goal, right?
Assalamu alaykum, sister,
Thank you for your question.
You say that you have some differences in practicing your daily worship, and you feel that your husband does not take his salah as seriously as you do.
You’re afraid of what is going to happen when you have children in the future, and you’re worried that you won’t be able to pass on the importance of prayer to them if he is not giving a good example.
You also mention that his family talks too much about entertainment and watches shows that are not necessarily appropriate. You say that you always come home drained from family gatherings because they focus on these things too much.
Well, sister, I understand your concern and your fears.
It’s not your responsibility
The thing is that we are not able to control other people’s actions, nor are we responsible for their behavior and their faith. We can only pass on the message, but ultimately, each person is responsible for their own relationship with Allah and their own spirituality.
What we can control, correct, and improve is our own faith, our own worship, and our own spirituality. With that being said, I would focus on your worship, taqwa and your own relationship with Allah.
So maybe it is better to would stop worrying so much about this, because at the end of the day, it is in the hands of Allah.
People generally do not like being constantly reminded that they are not doing enough. Many react with defensive behavior and may even do less as a form of self-defense.
Counterproductive expectations
So, if your husband feels controlled or that he is expected to do more, he may actually end up doing less. At the end of the day, he has to reach the point of wanting to change and improve in order to grow closer to Allah.
If you do that work for him, holding on your shoulder his spiritual responsibilities, that won’t help on the long run. Even, you may model this to your kids, which probably is not your goal, right?
Spirituality and faith are matters of the heart. We will all face Allah alone, and this is not something for others to interfere with. It is between him and Allah. You can be sure that Allah is the greatest judge, the most Fair and the Most
Wise. He will be questioned in the most perfect way and will have to answer, and he will face the consequences justly.
At the same time, remember that life is not only about faith and religion; there are many aspects to it where we learn and grow.
Your role
Taqwa is very important, but life is not only about acts of worship. We can also worship through how we live our daily lives.
When you have children, you will be their mother, and your example will be present as well—not only their father’s.
You will be able to show good faith and good spirituality, insha’Allah, even if he does not. You can feel at peace knowing that you have done what you could; the rest is with Allah and with him. So make Dua for him and trust in the best outcome.
May Allah make it easy for you.