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I Don’t Like the Idea of Getting Married; What to Do?

09 August, 2022
Q The more I am getting closer to marriage age, the more the idea of not getting married is becoming stronger. I have a lot of reasons for that. First of all, I have always observed that women become extremely insecure, with low self-esteem after their marriage. I don't blame them. Men in our society don't really appreciate their wives even though I have seen some very close examples in my life. My father, even though he is a great father and a great personality, but I doubt that I can see the same for him as a husband.

I do appreciate the fact that men provide for their wives making them free of any financial stress and problems but is it enough? Aren't emotions important? Women have more emotions than men. I really believe men cannot figure out what their wives are feeling? I do understand them (husbands) but still...

Furthermore, recently i came across topic of polygamy, and it have worked as a last nail to my coffin. It is a hard topic for me, and i cannot believe women can be happy in it no matter how much just a man is. If you ask about me I really do lose respect for a man who has more wives. Of course I am not a fan of legendary love stories but still loyalty is a demand of relationships. I can't say polygamy is not for me ', as i know no woman likes it. I can't shout, cry or beg in front of a man to not marry another woman nor can accept him after he marries another woman even he divorce her afterwards. Trust me, I have acknowledged its advantages but they still can't convince me. I don't want condolement from a polygamous husband, his assurance that he loves me, Even if he is telling that truth, that love is useless for me. In Islam women are not allowed to divorce( expect for some situations) so i will be struck in it as according to a hadith a woman who asks for divorce will not enter paradise.

My whole point is that even if the only benefit is financial security for a woman, then a job is a much better option. I know I may sound extremely immature, delusional but I can't cope with this negativity in my life.

Men are given higher status than women as a husband. I am myself a dominant person, if i failed to be a dutiful wife then i will be a hell dweller Can you kindly guide me in this situation? How can I cope with these situations? I know all of my thoughts are irrational but still they are there.

Answer

An Islamic marriage is meant to be a source of comfort. So, focus on the deen instead of the examples around you.

Learn to effectively communicate your feelings prior to marriage and needs in an Islamic premarital marriage course. 

How to overcome your negative feelings towards marriage? Check out the counselor’s advice!

Listen to more from Sr. Aisha Mohammed:

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.