He's changed one day to another; he stopped smiling, he is always upset and angry as if he hates me. He wants me not to ask anything about him and stay quiet all the time.
He knows how much I love him and that how much I and the children need him. We both love our kids, but somehow he has changed towards me; he doesn't tell anything to me, he hides things and give stupid excuses for coming home late or not answering his phone. Basically, he ignores me all day every day. I want someone to help me bring him back to his old self.
I pray and ask Allah to guide him to the right path and make me and him strong to overcome these tough times, but my husband doesn't support me. He doesn't pray nor listens to Qur'an.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
My suggestion would be to give him some space and then gently confront him in a few days or so.
Be a good listener.
As-Salamu ‘Alaikum sister,
Thank you for sending us your question. I ask Allah (swt) to help both you and your husband overcome whatever difficulties you may face and grant you and your family serenity and peace.
I am sorry to hear about the change in your husband’s demeanor and how that has affected your relationship. It seems you had a very positive and close relationship and care deeply about your three children.
You mention that your husband has suddenly changed his behavior towards you and your children and started to become irritable, impatient, and disconnected with you.
I am sure that this is devastating to you after years of having a positive relationship. Do you have any idea when this change in his behavior has started? Did anything about his social, professional, or financial situation change during that time? Has his behavior always been irritable, or are there times during the day in which he calms down?
I read that you have tried asking him several times about his change in behavior, and you write that he doesn’t answer you directly and appears to run away from facing you.
It certainly seems like something significant bothers him and he is not ready to tell you. My suggestion would be to give him some space and then gently confront him in a few days or so.
It would be difficult for a person to always be agitated; there will come a time in which the person eventually calms down. That is the best time to begin a conversation with him. When most people feel down or very irritable, they don’t usually feel like talking.
That is actually the best because the intense emotions they feel are a lot to deal with and talking about them may be too difficult and confusing. Time helps calm down a lot of those negative emotions.
Check out this counseling video:
At the right time, genuinely mention to him that you have noticed an obvious change in his behavior and as a loving wife, you are eager to help him overcome whatever difficulty he is facing.
Be a good listener; show him love, empathy, and understanding just as you would wish for him to show you. But the most important of all; be patient. In sha’ Allah, he will eventually open up to you and let you know what has caused him so much stress and agony.
As a family, both of you together have to support each other to face whatever comes your way.
May Allah (swt) help you support each other through difficulty and adversity.
Salam,
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