I came to know my husband was earlier married to a woman. He was head over heels in love with her. And although currently they are divorced, what haunts me is that my husband lied about his previous marriage.
I feel so depressed whenever I think that his heart, and body was completely of someone else. I’m tired of crying… I know it's negatively impacting my child. I don't know what to do. I'm just praying to Allah swt. I can't confront his family because his mother is on deathbed. He takes care of me in every way possible.
But this truth has made me feel cheated. I feel I was always lied to and betrayed. Please help me get through this.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- The best way forward is to have an open and honest conversation with your husband. Share with him that you are struggling to process this truth and ask gently why he chose not to tell you earlier.
- Focus on your present relationship. He chose to marry you, he is taking care of you, and together you are building a life. It is your qadr, just like his past.
Assalamualaikum sister,
Thank you for your question. You mentioned that you got married 6 months ago and now you are pregnant with your first child, alhamdulillah.
Recently, you discovered that your husband was previously married to another woman, and they are now divorced. After that, he married you. What troubles you is that your husband hid his previous marriage, and you feel hurt, and betrayed.
Even though your husband takes care of you in every way possible, this truth makes you feel cheated and lied to. You don’t know what to do, and are asking for help.
Valid Feelings of Betrayal
It is completely understandable that learning this new information has disturbed you emotionally, especially during pregnancy, which is in and of itself a challenging period.
It can trigger feelings of insecurity and betrayal, and those feelings are valid. These feelings can be coupled with some sense of loss maybe, connected to your idea of who you are, as a married couple, that turned out to be untrue.
However, I believe the best way forward is to have an open and honest conversation with your husband.
When fears overcome us, we tend to imagine the worst. So, the more you know about his motives, the less things remain fantasized about.
Your Husband Hid His Past Marriage — Why?
The goal is an open discussion where you express how this discovery has unsettled you, and your need to know more about his intentions.
Share with him that you are struggling to process this truth and ask gently why he chose not to tell you earlier. For example, avoid vague accusations like “you betrayed me,” and instead use statements such as: “When I found out about your past, I felt hurt. I need more openness from you to feel secure.”
I want to stress that HOW you two communicate is essential and can determine the outcome. If you approach the conversation in a heated, emotional, or blaming way, there is a chance that he may shut down, and the discussion will not be productive. Try to be inviting, and create a space where he feels safe enough to give you an honest explanation.
Remember, he did not cheat on you—he was legally divorced before marrying you. He simply had a past, as many people do. This does not mean that his heart is still there.
There can be many reasons why your husband hid his previous marriage. Perhaps he hid it to protect your relationship, or because he wanted to start fresh. Whatever his reasons, try to give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to his side.
Conversations about feelings are very important in a marriage. It is essential to create a safe space where both of you can share your emotions, fears, and needs without judgment.
Your feelings are valid, and it is okay to express that you need honesty and transparency in order to feel secure in your marriage.
Express Your Needs
Think carefully about what you truly need from your husband to rebuild trust. Is it more honesty? Reassurance? Emotional presence? Let him know that being truthful with you, even about sensitive matters, is something you deeply value and need in order to trust him fully.
At the same time, try to focus on your present relationship. He chose to marry you, he is taking care of you, and together you are building a life. These are strong signs of his commitment.
Allah chose him for you, and you for him, at this stage of your life. His past was part of Allah’s qadr, and your union is also by Allah’s qadr.
While his past may hurt to think about, what truly matters is how he treats you now and how you both nurture your marriage going forward.
Finally, make sure to care for yourself—rest well, eat properly, and engage in activities that calm you (Qur’an recitation, dhikr, light walks, journaling). Also, talk to a trusted friend, counselor, or elder you respect. Sometimes just sharing your pain with someone wise can lighten the burden.
I pray that Allah makes it easy for you, strengthens your heart, and fills your marriage with honesty, trust, and barakah.