Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Think about how to support him in his recovery if he repents and leaves his sinful behavior behind.
- You only have to obey him, as his wife, if his command does not go against the command of Allah.
- Speak with your family or ask for help in your local community about how to move on.
Salam alaikom dear sister,
Thank you for writing.
You say that your husband does not let you cover your head. He also refuses to go out with you if you wear hijab. Plus, he drinks alcohol every night.
Well, it seems clear from your brief letter that, Islamically speaking, your husband has gone astray and has some serious issues with his religious commitment. May Allah guide him back to the straight path.
What Happened?
So, my question is: Did something happen in his life (or in your life) that led to this change in behavior? Some negative event that he, unfortunately, responded to by getting away from Allah and trying to get you away too? Is this a sudden change or a gradual one?
When you got married, what were his and your religious commitments?
I am asking these questions because it would be good to know what led him to this attitude or whether he has always been like this since you were married.
If he was always like this, it would be good to know what led you to marry him. Was it a fully voluntary decision, or did you face some pressure, for example, from your family?
Whatever the case, one thing is for sure: your religious and spiritual commitment and your connection with Allah are the first.
A Muslim Husband
A Muslim husband should be the leader of the family, religiously and spiritually speaking, or at least strive to be one by continuously learning about the deen and practicing according to his best abilities.
I am saying this as a counselor, not a scholar, but if a husband is not doing this and even doing the opposite by advising against the command of Allah and clearly committing sins, you can step out of this marriage and not be with someone who lives an unislamic lifestyle and tries to lead you astray also.
If you want to know more about your legal possibilities, please write to the Ask the Scholar section or ask your local imam.
Check out these articles from our site: Wearing Hijab: Can My Husband Order Me to Remove It?, Non-Practicing Convert Husband: Should I Divorce Him? Husband Rejects My Hijab: What to Do?, What to Do with Bad-Tempered Drunken Husband?
With this being said, I would advise the following.
Can You Support Him?
Is there any chance that he can change? Does he show any sign of repentance or remorse for drinking?
Is there a crisis in his life that he might be responding to? Does he need guidance about how to cope with it Islamically? Does he suffer from alcohol addiction and, therefore, need professional help? Do you love him enough to support him?
You have to think about whether you are willing to support him in his recovery after he repents and leaves his sinful behavior behind.
If he asks for forgiveness from Allah and gives up drinking and stops preventing you from wearing hijab, you might stay with him. Together you support each other in following the deen.
If you love each other and want to be together, I am sure that you can overcome this crisis together.
He Can Lose You
If no, and there is no chance that he will change, I think, sister, you need to seriously think about what to do with this marriage.
You might talk to him and let him know that he might lose you if he does not change.
If he truly loves you, this might make him think about the consequences of his lifestyle before it is too late.
You also can tell him that you only have to obey him, as his wife, if his command does not go against the command of Allah. In other words, he should not prevent you from wearing a hijab, even if he is your husband.
And if he is not willing to change, there is nothing wrong with wishing for a husband who is more practicing and fears Allah more.
In this case, you might speak with your family or ask for help in your local community about how to move on.
Try Counseling
I am not sure whether you have children, whether you work or not, or in general what your possibilities are.
I recommend some form of counseling. You can speak about your situation in detail and get some more specific advice and orientation.
May Allah help you with it.
More from Orsolya Ilham O.:
- I Love Him; How to Make Him Fall in Love with Islam?
- Tainted by the Haram Effects of a Public School
- Polygamy: How to Accept Her Without Jealousy?
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