My problem is that my husband is not conscious of prayer times or learning more about the religion.
He cannot fast because he is diabetic. We don't pray together because he does not know what to say, but he does not show any effort in learning it. I don’t want my son to grow up and think it's okay to delay your prayers or not pray.
What shall I do? Please!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
You are right to be concerned, but try understanding your husband’s perspective as well. He is new to Islam.
Support him by doing online courses in Islam together (you may even find yourself learning something new too!)
You can support him in making new Muslim friends.
To make him feel bad about his actions, or lack of, may only turn him away from Islam.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
You are right to be concerned about the message that your husband is putting across to your child.
However, at the same time, do also try to understand things from your husband’s perspective too. He is relatively new to Islam and perhaps feels a little intimidated by everything that is new. Perhaps she does not yet understand the importance of matters such as praying on time.
There is so much to learn about Islam and even the most basic of things that are different from life as a non-Muslim can seem daunting.
New Muslim Perspective
New Muslims require a lot of support, both in the home and outside too. You might begin by supporting him within the home by directing him to simple materials where he can learn the basics bit by bit.
Also, just because he doesn’t know how to pray or what to say does not mean that he cannot join in with you and just follow the motions for now. He can learn small words bit by bit and integrate them into prayer.
Support him by doing online courses in Islam together (you may even find yourself learning something new too!). He will increase his knowledge of the religion but this way you can also show him that you care and are there to support him on this journey. It will be great for your relationship to be working on these things together too. It may even be an opportunity for him to meet other brothers online too.
Muslim Friends
As well as in the online space, you can support him in making new Muslim friends. If your local masjid is open, encourage him to attend. This way, he will be able to make new connections. They may even be offering classes or get-togethers there that he could become involved in too.
Otherwise, why not invite your friends and their spouses over (within local guideline restrictions and segregated of course!) and let this be an opportunity for him to mix with other brothers. This way he will be able to ask questions to other brothers if he should have any as well as integrate into the general Islamic lifestyle.
In sha Allah, these brothers would be a good influence on him with regards to encouraging prayer on time.
It is also perhaps a more natural way to learn about Islam that does not involve reading from a textbook. Some people find this is a more helpful way to learn about the religion or is at least a good compliment to reading from the textbooks.
These approaches are also useful because it takes a stance that is less forceful and is more encouraging.
To make him feel bad about his actions, or lack of, may only turn him away from Islam. To gently support him both in the house and out of the house is more likely to have a bigger impact on him. Such changes are more likely to be lasting since he has been the one to make the moves himself with your support.
May Allah reward your concern for your husband and child and may He support you in supporting your husband. May He make your journey in Islam together one that will strengthen your bonds together and in Islam too.
amen,
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