Almost every time we argue, he tells me to go and not come back. One time, we almost got divorced but alhamdullilah it didn’t happen and now I’m out of his house again because I was pregnant and my hormones were all over the place.
He was supporting me first, then he went back to smoking weed. His non-Muslim friend came out of prison, then he has changed he had no emotions and care towards me whatsoever.
I lost my baby, but he didn’t come and support me. I was at his sister’s house. His dad told him to bring me home. He did but he wasn’t showing me any care.
Then I left his house to get some help from my aunts. He didn’t call me or text me or even visited me since then. Should I just ignore him as it is or should I tell him to divorce me?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- As you stated, your husband smokes weed and hangs out with friends who were non-Muslim as well as not healthy friends to be with. This is where the problems may lie.
- Please, do consider a separation from him. Limit your contact with him during this time and utilize this period to heal.
- I also recommend that you seek out counseling sister to deal with the trauma you have been through as well as help you sort out your options regarding this marriage.
- Do some fun social things with the sisters so you can regain a balance in your life.
- Think about what it is that you truly want and most important. Increase your Islamic knowledge, increase your worship and strengthen your relationship with Allah.
As Salamu Alaykum sister,
Thank you for writing to us. I am sorry to hear about your problems with your husband. I can imagine his harsh treatment of you is very upsetting and hurts you very much. I am so sorry you are going through this. May Allah bless you and grant you ease in this situation.
Bad company
As you stated, your husband smokes weed and hangs out with friends who were non-Muslim as well as not healthy friends to be with. This is where the problems may lie. I do not know for sure but there does seem to be a correlation as you stated that for 6 years things were pretty good between you.
I would kindly suggest sister that you do find a place to stay, perhaps at your family’s home or a relative or friend. As you have lost a baby in addition to his callous and harsh treatment, you need time for yourself in a stress-free environment wherein you can sort out your feelings and heal, insha’Allah.
Counseling
I also recommend that you seek out counseling sister to deal with the trauma you have been through as well as help you sort out your options regarding this marriage. A separation may wake him up and lead him back to the path of Islam or it may not affect him, thus leaving him where he is in a state of haram.
I would kindly suggest that if you do separate, you tell him you love him but that you feel you both need time to decide what you want from each other and from life.
I would limit contact with him until you have had time to think things over and insha’allah get counseling. Use this time as well, to get closer to Allah by reading Qur’an, doing dhkir, making duaa as well as going to the Masjid. Insha’Allah, sister, attend Islamic events in your area which will be uplifting and healing.
Social life
Do some fun social things with the sisters so you can regain a balance in your life. All of these things serve to increase our iman as well as help us through the trials in this life. By increasing your worship of Allah, you will be able to see things clearer and receive the blessings from Allah to guide you on the right path. This is especially important regarding the contemplation of divorce.
Check out this counseling video:
Should your husband desire to return to Islam and treat you with mercy, love, and kindness, you may want to give him another chance. If he does not, then you can be confident that Allah in His mercy has a better one for you. As Allah created marriage to be a union of mercy, kindness, and protection, we are not expected to be married to one who refuses to submit.
While Allah does hate divorce, divorce is an option for you given the circumstances.
Conclusion
Please, do consider a separation from him. Limit your contact with him during this time and utilize this period to heal. Think about what it is that you truly want and most important. Increase your Islamic knowledge, increase your worship and strengthen your relationship with Allah.
Insha’Allah the rest will fall into place, how it should be. Allah knows best.
You are in our prayers. Please, let us know how you are doing.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
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