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I Don’t Like My Wife from the Day We Got Engaged

05 September, 2023
Q I got married 8 months before. I have an arranged marriage my parents decided to marry her when I saw her first time, I felt she is ok. After first meet I realize that she not my type and I start hating her I wanted to end engagement but could not because of my parents. My parents knew that I’m not happy with her but still decided to fix marriage date. I had many things in my mind but I could not speak to anymore even with friends. Finally, we got married but I was not happy and she knew that.

It has been 8 months now my wife is pregnant, I never wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, ......she is very simple and I don't like her face and she has no exposure and I feel she does not care of her body, I feel ashamed to go outing with her and all that...I did not want my wife to get pregnant but social pressure and parents forced me to do that.....now I’m frustrated, I got very weak but I could not stop thinking that why did I do that, why did not I end that time when we got engaged, all there questions frustrated me every day even while returning from office I do not feel happiness, do not wanna spend time with her, but I can’t divorce her.

Answer

Arranged marriages can be beautiful and well-functioning if the spouses agree to marry each other.

If you start doubting your initial likes, you have the right to change your mind or seek clarification of your feelings.

There are parents who are more pressing. But no matter what, you need to express what you really feel until it’s too late.

It is your marriage, not your parents’. Respect should be mutual and not one-sided. They also need to consider your choices and what really interests you.

After marrying, what options are left to deal with your unhappiness?

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.