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Deathly Afraid My Future Wife Will Have an Affair

18 July, 2017
Q Salam, I'm looking for someone to get married to, but I'm deathly afraid that my wife will one day have an affair either emotionally or physically. I was wondering if there are a lot of Muslim women who have affairs, even those who wear hijab and seem to be religious. I don't really know many Muslim couples here, but it seems in the larger society, people are always cheating or, at the very least, flirting with people and 'checking out' people they aren't supposed to. Both of my best friends' parents have affairs in their marriages; coworkers are always having affairs at work, and all kinds of other things are happening around me. And when I read on here, it seems like lots of men and women have affairs, and I just don't think I can really trust my wife when I get married someday. I know that to try to prevent it, I have to treat her well and make sure she's emotionally taken care of. But even though, it’s inevitable that there will be periods in the marriage where things won't be perfect, or things will simply get bored after the marriage. I was wondering if you could give me some advice about this. Thank you.

Answer

As-Salam `Alaykum Brother,

You are asking very good and relevant questions. You can’t generalize about women, whether they are wearing hijab or not. Some women who wear hijab do so consciously and for the purpose of pleasing Allah (swt). Such a woman, who made this choice, is probably less likely to have an affair because her mental condition and spiritual condition is more healthy and sincere. However, just because a woman wears hijab, that does not mean she has sincere character. If she is wearing it solely to comply with cultural norms, then who knows?

To find a good woman who will be loyal and devoted to you and the marriage, seek for a woman who has a good reputation in her community for doing good works, who keeps herself busy with healthy activities, and who can be found by her peers easily.

If a woman can be found by her family and friends, if people know where she is and what she is doing, then she probably isn’t sleeping around with men unmarried. This will increase the probability that you are finding a good and obedient woman. Marry a mature woman who understands the responsibilities of marriage and is ready to make a commitment to marriage.

Allah (swt) will judge women too; women have a responsibility to be good to their husbands and faithful in their marriage. Look for a woman who understands this and who sincerely wants to please you and Allah (swt). Indeed, if a woman pleases her husband, then Allah (swt) will be pleased with her.

Hope my answer helps,

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

 

About Maryam Bachmeier
Dr. Bachmeier is a clinical psychologist who has been working in the mental health field for over 15 years. She is also a former adjunct professor at Argosy University, writer, and consultant in the areas of mental health, cultural, and relationship issues.