Answer
Answer:
As-Salaamu ‘Alaikum brother,
It is unfortunate that you are in such a difficult situation. I empathize with you. Arranged marriages, in which there is a lack of personality and physical attraction, are not easy. May Allah (swt) give you support. Both of you and your cousin have the choice now to stay married or divorce. Of course, trying to stay married is the first advice I give you if you take the appropriate actions.
To improve most marriages, you will have to work on (a) communication skills, (b) meeting each other’s needs (whether emotional or physical), and (c) creating new and positive experiences together by trying new things.
In your case, you expressed that your wife is a good person and you feel responsible for her. At the same time, you are “disgusted” with sharing a bed and have no attraction to her. If your attraction is based on say, the energy of your wife, her dress, and style, this can be improved and explored with suggestions together. If your attraction is purely due to physicality, then there is little you can do about that unless you try to harness the goodness in her as a person to fuel your physical attraction. This is doable for some but not for everyone.
On one hand, you want to take care of your cousin/wife because she is a good person and you feel family pressure to have a child. But this is unlikely to happen if you cannot keep a bed with her and feel this will be a very difficult task.
I understand that you are concerned about your family and cultural customs, but this is an opportunity for you to truly assess what is right and true. If you and your wife are in agreement that you do not want to remain married, it is your right to divorce, especially if it was due to family pressure.
The question is: do you have the capacity and courage to follow your heart and religion over obeying family and culture? This, of course, is much easier said than done.
The first step I would take is to have you and your wife meet the family and explain your grievances. Be honest with how you two feel and try to get support from empathetic family members for your case.
If that does not work, reach out to other leaders or imams in the community that could be of assistance, in sha’ Allah. “I encourage you to make du’aa’ and ask Allah (swt) to guide you to right action for your situation. May God give you light and practical wisdom. Amin.
May Allah (swt) give you light and practical wisdom.
Amin,
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