Now after the baby, my husband has sciatica pain and also has erectile dysfunction. He cannot satisfy me. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, I don't know why suddenly he started having erectile dysfunction. Please help!
Answer
In this counseling answer:
Being a parent is a demanding job that takes up a lot of time and effort and as a result, can be very tiring. Of course, this can naturally lead to changes in sex drive, for both the husband and wife.
Make sure to maintain time for the two of you too.
Wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
I understand that this makes you feel pretty down on yourself wondering why this change has occurred. However, it’s important to try and observe this situation from alternative perspectives so as not to feel like this.
There are many reasons why such changes can occur, and they are often have nothing to do with the wife at all.
Firstly, you have recently become a new mum, and he has become a dad too. This is a massive change! For both of you. Being parent is a demanding job that takes up a lot of time and effort and as a result, can be very tiring. Of course, this can naturally lead to changes in sex drive, for both the husband and wife.
The focus now changes to raising the child and less on the relationship. Because of this, it is also important to give the relationship time as well. Make sure to maintain time for the two of you too.
You might ask a friend or family member to take care of you baby for a couple of hours every week, or two so you can have some time to yourselves, to rekindle what you had before you got pregnant. Enjoy this special time together to focus on keeping your relationship strong and healthy.
During this time together, you can explore other ways that he can satisfy you, and this may just simply be spending this time alone together, even if there is little or no sexual intimacy involved until his problem is resolved.
Possible Health Problems
Additionally, it seems he has other health problems too which won’t be helping the situation too. Think yourself, when you are in pain, you are probably not much up for doing anything due to the pain.
If he is in pain, then this could be part of the problem too. Support him in getting help for the pain he is going through and this could help to overcome other difficulties too as he becomes able to focus on other than his pain.
Aside from this, there are many reasons why he could be suffering from this new problem. Sometimes, it can be a result of another health condition. If spending time together alone and treating sciatica still don’t seem to make any difference, you might encourage him to go to the doctor. He should not be embarrassed.
It is a common problem that many men face and can be fixed. It may be that he needs psychological therapy, maybe medication, maybe both, or maybe there is an underlying cause that needs treating. Either way, the problem will not resolve itself easily, if at all, if he doesn’t get this help.
Continue to let him know that you love him and that you want to help him with this for the sake of you both and your relationship moving forward. There is stigma around this kind of thing, so it may take time and patience for him to make the move, but it’s important that you remain patient with him and try not to take your frustrations out on him.
If you find yourself getting frustrated, find ways to manage this by keeping yourself busy with meaningful activities, whether this is being with friends, taking part in a hobby you enjoy, going for a walk…etc.
May Allah cure your husband and keep you both strong in your marriage. May He reward your patience and grant you happiness together in this life and the next.
Salam,
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