But after we talked, we decided to push back our wedding celebration so we can rebuild our relationship (We did our nikkah a couple months ago).
Things were a bit different but he would still text me a bit but now he would barely text me and there would be days like now he wouldn’t say morning or leave me on delivered the whole day until some random time and that’s the only conversation, I say is he okay and he will say there is a lot of work or he’s tired, I understand but I feels like there is more than that, before even when he was busy he would still message or call me.
I feel depressed every day and I don’t want him to leave me and I have changed. I been so patient. I made so much dua.
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- Is it possible that your husband is trying to communicate his true feelings, but perhaps you’re afraid to hear them?
- Consider counseling or mediation with someone knowledgeable and neutral — someone who can guide the conversation and help you understand each other better.
Assalamu Alaikum sister,
Thank you for your question.
You mentioned that you are after your nikah but before your wedding ceremony. A few weeks ago, your husband texted you saying he feels that things may not work out anymore because he felt disrespected during some of your past arguments. He has acknowledged his own mistakes as well. Because of this, you both decided to postpone your wedding celebration so you could work on your relationship.
You’ve noticed some slight progress, but now he hardly texts you — just short replies — saying he’s “tired” and so on. You feel there’s more behind his behavior, and that uncertainty makes you feel worried and depressed. You don’t want to lose him, and you’ve been very patient, making a lot of duas and trying to improve yourself.
Personal Differences
Sister, you are still at the beginning of your marriage, and this is a time when both of you are starting to experience the real dynamics of a relationship — your patterns, reactions, and ways of dealing with conflict. This stage is an important part of marriage, because it reveals how each of you responds to disagreements and emotional challenges.
These experiences, though difficult, can help you grow in maturity, emotional strength, and understanding — both of yourself and of what a healthy marriage requires.
It seems that you and your husband may handle conflict differently. That’s natural, but it’s also important to understand each other’s communication styles and emotional needs.
Often, what we say on the surface may not fully express what we truly feel inside. For example, he might say he’s “just tired,” but there could be deeper feelings he hasn’t expressed openly.
Here’s something to reflect on, dear sister: is it possible that your husband is trying to communicate his true feelings, but perhaps you’re afraid to hear them?
Ask yourself how open and safe the space is for him to express what he truly thinks and feels — and how willing you are to listen, even if the truth is painful.
Fear of Losing Him
Your intention — wanting to repair the relationship — is noble. But in doing so, it’s important not to lose sight of the truth.
If he truly has some feelings of uncertainty about the relationship, that should be acknowledged. At the same time, your feelings — your fear of losing him and your desire to make things work — are also valid.
It would be very beneficial for both of you to have an honest conversation when he’s ready, where he can openly express what’s troubling him, and you can share your own perspective too. It takes courage and emotional strength to face the truth, but it’s better to do so now rather than enter marriage with hidden doubts or unresolved resentment.
Remember, Allah is the best of planners. Sometimes these conflicts are opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Trust in His qadar. Whatever the outcome will be, it will be meant to be.
Seek Support
I recommend that both of you consider counseling or mediation with someone knowledgeable and neutral — someone who can guide the conversation and help you understand each other better. Individual counseling can also be helpful for reflection and emotional support.
May Allah make it easy for you,