She replied that she would discuss it with her husband and let him know. The next day, when my dad asked again, she said her husband denied her request. When she asked for a justification, he told her to get permission from his mother first.When my sister asked her mother-in-law, she was reprimanded and told that she could visit her parents only after getting their permission.
My sister tried calling her husband twice after the discussion with her mother-in-law, but he didn't answer her calls and didn't bother to call or message her back after seeing the missed calls. My father was in disbelief that her husband involved his mother in this matter. So, he told my sister that he would speak to her husband about it, he replied, "I am her husband, and I have a right to deny her."
He said that as his wife, she has responsibilities towards her in-laws and should take his mother's permission to stay at her parents' house more than once. My father tried to explain to him about his wife's rights when he is not around and asked him to have good communication with his wife, as they don't stay together, and a long-distance marriage requires a lot of effort from both ends to have a peaceful marriage.
My father even told him that he felt awkward about having to interfere in this matter but had to do so because he asked his mother to interfere in decisions regarding his wife, who happens to be his daughter. My father asked him to just talk to his wife and sort this matter amongst themselves and not to involve any third person.
Even after that, he never called my sister and is not even responding to her calls. He hardly calls her twice a week and most of the time does not even call back for three or four days, even after seeing my sister's missed calls.
When my sister asked why he behaves this way, he says he is busy, but there have been instances when he doesn't even call on his days off. When my sister asks him why he treats her like that, he says she is overreacting and it's not a big deal. He never accepts that his communication skills are weak and that by ignoring communication with his wife, he is not fulfilling her right to compassion and being treated with kindness.
Whenever she talks about going and staying at her parents' house for some days, his reply is always negative.He never accepts that he always denies her request to stay at her parents' house, and when asked for justification, he gives unreasonable excuses and then involves his mother. He asks her what is lacking there that she wants to go to her parents' house. When my sister tries to convince him that she has a right to visit her family and stay with them as he is working abroad and not there with her, he says that she disobeys him and is stubborn. He then tells her to ask for his mother's permission first and then tell him about it. My sister tried to tell him that this discussion should be between them as they are husband and wife, but he says that she stays with his parents, so doesn't she have any responsibility towards them?
We do make dua and ask Allah to ease her difficulties and to strengthen her bond with her husband and to never lose hope, but we would like to know if there is some other way as well by which we can help her.
Answer
- Try to reflect on what could be motivating her mother-in-law’s behavior. Is it possible that she restricts your sister’s visits out of a sense of protection or fear — perhaps trying, in her own way, to safeguard the marriage?
- When speaking to him, she should try to focus on their relationship and emotional connection rather than constant discussions about permissions and family issues.
Assalamualaikum dear sister,
Thank you for your letter. You have explained the situation about your sister, is in a long-distance marriage, living with her in-laws. Her husband works abroad and visits only once a year. Currently, she is living with her in-laws, and it seems there is a conflict between her and her mother-in-law.
It appears that her mother-in-law interferes in the marital relationship and restricts your sister from visiting her parents, insisting that she ask for permission first. They seem very reluctant to give her freedom of choice, which is causing tension in the family.
You also mentioned that her husband does not regularly call or stay in contact with her, and this understandably worries her and your family. You are seeking advice on how to handle this situation.
Family Support Matters
MashaAllah, I want to begin by appreciating you and your father’s response. Your father’s involvement and willingness to support his daughter in ensuring her rights are protected is a beautiful and Islamic act. It is also admirable that you are concerned for your sister’s well-being and want to help her through this difficult time.
From what you described, it seems that his family may lack healthy communication and conflict-resolution skills. While I am not a scholar or counselor, I believe you and your family are correct that — since her husband is abroad — she should be allowed to visit her own family without major restrictions.
What can you do as a family?
Try to reflect on what could be motivating her mother-in-law’s behavior. Is it possible that she restricts your sister’s visits out of a sense of protection or fear — perhaps trying, in her own way, to safeguard the marriage? Maybe her intentions are good, even if her methods are unwise.
It might be beneficial for your parents to have an honest and respectful conversation with the mother-in-law to clarify intentions and clear misunderstandings. Actions are judged by intentions. Understanding her perspective could help ease tension or realize the true source of the conflict.
Tone matters more than words. If her mother-in-law forbids her from visiting her parents, she can respond calmly:
“I respect you deeply, but I also need to honor my parents. I will visit them with your blessing, inshaAllah.”
Long-Distance Marriage and In-Laws
Regarding your sister’s husband: his lack of communication and over-reliance on his mother’s influence is concerning. While this behavior is not unique — as it happens in some cultures— it is not ideal from an Islamic or marital standpoint.
A husband must prioritize his wife’s emotional and practical needs. He should take responsibility for his household, rather than transferring these matters to his mother.
It is also important to consider whether these arrangements were discussed before marriage — such as living with in-laws or the long-distance situation. These issues, if not properly agreed upon, can create long-term challenges.
Encourage your sister to keep trying to build a stronger bond with her husband, even if communication is limited. When she speaks to him, she should try to focus on their relationship and emotional connection rather than constant discussions about permissions and family issues.
Advise her to include warmth, appreciation, or shared goals in her talks. She can share her emotional needs without blame. For example:
“I miss you and sometimes feel lonely when we don’t talk. It would mean a lot if we could call more often.”
Not: “You never call me. You don’t care.”
However, if he remains distant and uninterested, she has every right to question what is happening and to seek clarity. As a family, you are doing the right thing by supporting her emotionally and ensuring that her rights are fulfilled.
Continue encouraging her husband to take his rightful responsibility as a husband, rather than delegating it to his mother.
May Allah ease your sister’s situation, bless your family with patience, and guide all involved toward mutual understanding and peace.