Q I have an unfortunate situation that I am currently facing and I am truly lost. I have been in a relationship with an Egyptian Muslim man for over seven years. Every time we approach the topic of marriage to his family, they find some reason to get in the way of us getting married. The both of us love each other very much, we have tried to separate and it has not been successful. I have never been ashamed of him, I have had his family to my home when they visit America, and my family treats him and his brothers as if they were in our family. I have never received this kind of treatment, nor have they ever welcomed my family to theirs, even after they told my parents they had the expectation that we would get married. It is extremely painful for me to continue to understand and be kind to his family when they threaten him with cutting off all ties and basically wanting nothing to do with us if we get married with me being the way I currently am. (I will explain this below.) I am Iranian and was born in America, however, I am and have always been an individual who loves my faith and is proud to be Muslim. My parents were not strict enforcers of Islam, and in fact, they believed that we had to discover our faith on our own (with light guidance), in order for us to truly believe and understand what we believed. That being said, I spent most of my life very in tune with Islam and found a great deal of peace and solace from the Qur’an, fasting, praying, attending mosque, and learning about my faith. That is not to say that I am a perfect Muslim, my most major flaws are that I drink alcohol and I have had a relationship with a Muslim man for years before marriage. He is raised in Egypt, with strict parents, but in actuality does not study Islam, does not have that much of a knowledge base (initially told me shite people go to hell), only that he prays and doesn’t eat pork and didn’t drink. His brothers and him all drink, however, they lie to their parents about this to avoid the conflict that would occur afterward. It bothers me to be judged by them as I will explain the situation a bit more. The first time we wanted to get married (when we were 25) his mother was furious that he did not do things in the “traditional” manner. She was upset that my boyfriend asked for my father’s permission, although this was after his parents had said to my parents that we would wed. This instance had nothing to do with my religious views, but supposedly simply that she was angry that he did not let his parents come and do things correctly. As a result, she stopped talking to him for almost two months. This was an awful situation, and as I said, had nothing to do with religion. After that, he was disheartened and began to push me away, say hurtful things, and tell me he was not sure of us or his love for me. We then had two years of pure misery until I finally said enough and tried to meet new people. I was not happy, for I truly have wanted to marry him from the beginning. After a few months, he was very unhappy, and so was I, so we got back together. Again the issue of marriage came up, and this time, his mother said I have to stop drinking in order to marry their son. Although I understand that this is in Islam as a wrong thing to do, it seems a little excessive to not allow someone to marry their son, who also drinks, and has a family of sons that drink alcohol but lie to their parents about it. I understand that she is under the impression that her family is one way and mine the other, but that is not the case. In the end, I refused to lie to her and be put under a situation that I would not only lie but be complying to threatening behavior to make their views the views of myself and my boyfriend. He then proposed to me out of desperation I think, and I told him that we should enter marriage with our parents and not a desperate act. We separated after that until two months ago we saw each other at a restaurant and decided it was time to finally get married. This time, his mother said she would cut all ties to him, me, and our future children if we wed without meeting her demands. He cannot handle the strife between himself and his family, and it kills me to see him in this situation, however, it also hurts very much that he continues to put us through this. He says he cannot live without me, but he will not stand up to his parents either. He wants me to lie to his parents to appease them, is this the right thing to do? I don’t want to start counting people’s sins, but isn’t his mother doing wrong things in the eyes of Islam as well? She has prevented us from getting married three times and stops speaking to her son when he tries to speak to her. In addition, I do not agree with the brothers holding back and not helping us by being honest with their mother and making it seem that they are just “temporarily” drinking, which in all honesty makes no sense to me. Lastly, his mother has disapproved of all women that her sons have tried to marry (too old, from a bad country, ashamed of her son, not Muslim). Her reasons for her disapprovals vary but her harshness towards them is all the same. It does not seem to me to be a matter of simply alcohol or no alcohol as she was so adamantly against us getting married when we were younger because of tradition. Is she making excuses? Should I get out of the situation? I am willing to stop drinking alcohol, but I feel that there is more here than just that. Am I being wrong about this? I am truly in need of guidance.