I have been married for a year and four months and I’m at my wit's end. I’m not satisfied in my marriage sexually. I really do not like being with my husband. And it’s getting worse every day. What can I do?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Start by rekindling the relationship and remembering what attracted you to him in the first place.
• Being apart from one another gives you the space to reflect on the marriage.
• Seek counseling.
Wa Alaikum salaam wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,
It is not unusual in a relationship that after some time of marriage one or other of the couple experience some kind of dissatisfaction, whether it be sexually or otherwise. In this case, you feel like the situation is only getting worse, so it is important to try and work things out as soon as possible. There are a number of ways in which you can do this.
Start by rekindling the relationship and remembering what attracted you to him in the first place. Often, after being married for a while we lose sight of these things as daily life takes over. Take some time to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Spend Time Together
You can also make this something that you do together. Spend time together alone and talk about things you have done together in the past. Laugh and smile over fun times you had together previously and fall in love with those things all over again.
Nurturing the love between you like this again will strengthen the love between you and indirectly improve things in other departments of the relationship, such as intimacy. This is something that you could organize to do on a regular basis to keep the love alive.
You could do something as simple as going out for dinner together, or you could do something completely new and fun together. Experiencing something new and fun together can be a helpful way of naturally boosting your happiness and bond together.
Check out this counseling video:
Spend Some Time Apart
Another thing to try is actually spending some time apart also. Often after being together for some time we get used to one another being around and take things for granted. Being apart from one another gives you the space to reflect on the marriage.
Remember what you love about each other and ultimately miss one another as your attention is now drawn to the good things that you miss. To achieve this maybe you could arrange to go and spend a weekend with family away from home.
Try Counselling
Another option is to try counseling. This will give you the space to speak openly about your feelings in a nonjudgmental space. If you feel like this is a bit too drastic you could begin by making it an issue that you talk about at home first.
It may be that it is something that you can resolve between you without intervention from a third party.
It may be that your husband is not aware of your feelings and so is not doing anything to improve things simply because he is not aware. He can only become aware of things and make an effort to work with you to improve things if you discuss the matter together.
When doing this, make sure to be sensitive as he may feel insulted by some of the things you say. Especially if he doesn’t feel there is a problem. It might be quite a difficult thing to bring to him, but if you don’t then it will be difficult for things to change. If it is too difficult to bring to him, then this is where seeking counseling with a third party may be helpful for you.
May Allah guide you to overcome your marital difficulties and bring peace and contentment between the two of you that you will be the coolness of each other’s eyes in this life and the next.
Amen,
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