Now I love another non-married man. He loves me a lot and now I want to marry him. I don't like to live with my husband again because now I love this person. What can I do?
I don't want to have sex or any other type of relationship with my husband. Can I seek a divorce and marry this person?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
• Sister, please do speak with your husband about changing the work or living conditions so that you may all live together as a family.
•Insha’Allah, engage in marriage counseling to try to repair the hurt and the discord that has evolved.
• Make duaa to Allah for direction, strength, and mercy as you make your decisions. If your marriage cannot be saved, you are free to divorce as you know.
As salamu Alaykum sister,
The issue of your husband working abroad for 10 years is not conducive to marriage.
A husband and wife should live together. There should not be this long of a separation or problems will arise as you can see. It must be very difficult to be married, yet not have your spouse with you especially for such an extended period of time.
Saving a Marriage
Sister as you know, Allah hates divorce. Therefore, I kindly suggest insha’Allah that you try to save your marriage.
You stated that you now love another man. However, you know this is haram and sinful. I strongly advise that you cut off this relationship with this other man and deal with your husband.
In dealing with your husband, I would kindly suggest that insha’Allah, you sit down and talk with him about the situation of living apart. Insha’Allah helps him to understand how unhealthy it is for your marriage.
You may wish to point out that you and the children need him to live in the same household as you. This may involve you moving to where he works, or him finding a job where you and the children live.
Living apart for so long appears to have put a very heavy strain on your marriage. You have become involved with another man and only Allah knows what your husband is doing.
I will kindly suggest that the two of you seek to save your marriage. Insha’Allah, I kindly suggest that you both consider engaging in marital counseling, living in the same household, and trying to rekindle your love for one another.
Options
If you have sincerely tried to make your marriage work and you both still do not wish to be together- married, then, of course, no one can force you to be married.
You may divorce after all other means of trying to save the marriage have been attempted. It may be that you can save your marriage and start over with your husband.
It may be that too much time, distance, and lack of connection has caused a permanent discord between you and your husband.
The only way you can know for sure is if you try to work it out.
Cut off Haram Relationship
The main thing right now sister is to cut off this relationship with this other man. I understand you are probably very lonely, desire a partner, as well as intimate times.
However please think about your relationship with Allah. You know what you are doing is haram and sinful. I urge you to repent to Allah, try to make things work with your husband, and make your decision from there.
When we commit sin such as this, no good can come from it as its origin lies in haram beginnings. Look at it this way, if this man who claims he loves you is a Muslim and he’s with you and your married, what does that say about him?
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He has no respect for you, nor does he have respect, fear or love for Allah. It sounds like he would not be a good spouse even if you did divorce your husband to marry him.
Conclusion
Sister, please do speak with your husband about changing the work or living conditions so that you may all live together as a family.
Insha’Allah, engage in marriage counseling to try to repair the hurt and the discord that has evolved.
May Allah put mercy, love, and forgiveness between you and your husband so that insha’Allah you may find a renewed love and comfort in one another if it is Allah’s will.
Make duaa to Allah for direction, strength, and mercy as you make your decisions. If your marriage cannot be saved, you are free to divorce as you know.
We wish you the best sister.
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