He spends much of his time talking to his family back home or busy with other things, and I only get a small part of his time. Even simple situations often turn into arguments, and I usually end up crying without comfort. He also does not provide me with regular financial support, as he prioritizes helping others and assumes my parents will take care of me.
For now, I am still living with my parents but will soon move in with him, and I am very worried about my future, especially during pregnancy. I cry a lot and even worry if my crying could affect my baby.
My parents advise me to be patient and kind, and I try, but nothing seems to improve. Sometimes I also fear whether there could be nazar (evil eye) or even magic affecting our relationship.
How should I deal with this situation in a way that follows Islamic guidance, protects my emotional well-being, and helps improve our relationship?
Answer
In this counseling answer:
- It is natural to want to connect with your husband, share moments together, and feel emotionally supported – especially during pregnancy.
- You may just mean you need to adjust to each other’s differences in expressing affection, attention, and emotions.
- Focus on your own well-being, your pregnancy, and your baby…When you feel balanced and supported within yourself, you will be better able to approach your relationship with patience and clarity.
Assalamu alaykum, dear sister,
Thank you for your question.
You mentioned that you are married and pregnant — alhamdulillah — but that you and your husband are not living together yet.
You feel that he does not give you the attention you need. When you try to express your feelings, he becomes hurt or angry, without really changing his attitude.
This understandably leaves you feeling sad, neglected, and worried about what will happen, especially now that you are expecting a baby. Your feelings are completely valid, sister.
It is natural to want to connect with your husband, share moments together, and feel emotionally supported — especially during pregnancy.
I Feel Neglected During My Pregnancy
There can be different reasons behind what you are experiencing. Sometimes it is simply a misunderstanding, or a difference in how each person expresses and receives love.
It may be that your husband shows care in ways that are different from what you need. Or he understands emotional connection differently.
Without knowing the full picture, it’s hard to say for sure, but what can help is exploring together how each of you gives and receives love.
This does not mean that one way is right and the other is wrong — it may just mean you need to adjust to each other’s differences in expressing affection, attention, and emotions.
If you both share the same goal of being together and building a loving marriage, then working on aligning these needs can bring you closer.
What can you do?
One practical step is to focus on expressing your wishes gently rather than as criticism. For example, instead of saying, “You never spend enough time with me,” you could say, “I miss you, and I would love to spend more time together.”
Expressing your needs in a positive way can make it easier for him to listen without becoming defensive. Along with this, try to acknowledge and appreciate the things he does for you — praise and encouragement can help open the door to more connection.
Since you are still at the early stage of your marriage, it will naturally take time to understand each other’s ways, habits, and needs. Honest, calm conversations can help you both learn about each other and build a stronger bond.
Once you begin living together, in shaa Allah, many things may also become easier.
In the meantime, it is equally important to take care of yourself. Focus on your own well-being, your pregnancy and your baby. Spend time with family and friends.
Engage in activities and hobbies you enjoy, and nurture your sense of wholeness.
When you feel balanced and supported within yourself, you will be better able to approach your relationship with patience and clarity.