His two sons beat me for hours after his death and took all his stuff from my home. They had no respect for their father.
I miss him so much. I have been a convert for 5 years. I'm also confused. Please help me!
Answer
In this counseling session:
- Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. May Allah give you strength during this testing time.
- The most important thing right now is to surround yourself with support from a range of sources from more formal sources, as well as sisters and friends and family. These will help you emotionally and practically.
- You must actively try to maintain your own well-being to support yourself moving forward.
- Due to what you faced immediately following your husband’s death, you should consider the legal consequences of this, on how you wish to deal with it.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh sister,
Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss. May Allah give you strength during this testing time.
Your situation was clearly not made any easier by the mistreatment you faced from his sons as well as their ongoing disrespect towards their now deceased father.
Seek support
At this point, the most important thing for you is to get the emotional support you need in coming to terms with the loss of your husband. This can come in any number of ways.
You may need some more formal support from a bereavement counselor. She will be particularly skilled in helping people through the process of grieving.
The benefits of seeking formal help like this is that they are not someone you know, or a part of your family so you can feel comfortable to disclose everything without fear of judgement.
Although do be aware that if she is concerned about your welfare, particularly in relation to the physical abuse you have just faced from your step sons, she may be obliged to report the same.
Another great source of support for you at this time can come from sisters in your local masjid.
They will be able to support you in a way that is compatible with Islam, will be able to advise you in line with the same and will be able to support you in establishing your Deen as well as with your grieving.
Sometimes when going through difficulties it can be possible to lose sight of one’s Deen.
However, with the support of others who follow the same practices as you can help you to remain on track.
Nu’man b. Bashir reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: The similitude of believers in regard to mutual love, affection, fellow-feeling is that of one body; when any limb of it aches, the whole body aches, because of sleeplessness and fever. (Sahih Muslim 2586 a)
Finally, getting support from existing family and friends can be incredibly comforting as they know you and how to do so in the best way.
They will be able to comfort you in ways that perhaps others cannot.
They will be able to help you out with the more practical things too.
If you need to take a bit of a break, then they can help you out with household tasks and maybe come and stay with you so you have someone close at all times for those moments when you need the additional support.
Check out this counseling video:
Take care of yourself
Now is a very challenging time for you and you will very much be emotionally focused on getting through this stage of grieving.
As a result, it can be easy to lose sight of oneself. This can come with additional emotional and physical consequences.
Therefore, you must remember to take care of your basic well being at this time so that you are in the best place physically and emotionally to deal with the present crisis that you are facing.
If your loved ones offer to help out don’t be shy to ask. If you are struggling, don’t be embarrassed to reach out and ask for support.
Do all the things you used to do for pleasure to maintain as much normality as possible in moving forward.
This will help you to not fall into the cycle of depression that is so easy at this time.
Taking care of yourself well helps to protect you from grieving, in sha Allah.
Take care of your physical, emotional and social well being and most importantly take care of your spiritual well being, finding comfort with Allah.
Who have believed and whose hearts have rest in the remembrance of Allah. Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest! (Quran, 13:28)
Legal consequences
Once you have established a strong support network around you, you should consider if you want to take legal action against your husband’s sons.
Firstly, for the physical abuse that they subjected you to, and secondly for the way they took belongings from his house.
However, regarding the latter, it might be best to get advice from someone of knowledge to establish their rights with regards to what they are entitled to according to Islamic inheritance laws.
Although, do keep in mind also, that even if the belongings they took are theirs to be inherited, it was not OK for them to treat you in this way and to take them with such disrespect. This is not acceptable.
Summary
You have been through a harrowing time of late following the death of your husband and the subsequent treatment of his sons.
The most important thing right now is to surround yourself with support from a range of sources from more formal sources, as well as sisters and friends and family. These will help you emotionally and practically.
Additionally, you must actively try to maintain your own well-being to support yourself moving forward.
Finally, due to what you faced immediately following your husband’s death, you should consider the legal consequences of this, on how you wish to deal with it.
May Allah grant your husband the highest ranks in Jannah.
May He ease your pains during these difficult times and may you find comfort in His remembrance.
Salam,
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