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Help Me Get Rid of My Same-Sex Desires!

03 June, 2022
Q As-Salamu Alaikum. I’m a girl and have always been attracted to women. I tried a lot to curb these desires, but nothing helped so far. I had feelings for one girl; she was the first person to whom I shared my feelings, but she humiliated me and made fun of me. I was heartbroken. I couldn’t cope with the stress to the extent that I got some serious brain disorders. By time, my sexual desires towards women have increased, and now it’s so hard to control. I'm a God-fearing person, and I don’t wish to do anything haram, but these desires are beyond my control. I want to live a normal life or want a girl who will understand me emotionally. Everyone dreams to marry, but I know I can’t; that would be completely unjust to the guy and to myself. Currently, I've feelings for one girl I wish I could marry in a halal way. This situation makes me deeply depressed that sometimes I want to end my life. Please help me overcome these desires!



As-Salaam ‘Alaikum sister,

It is a difficult journey you are upon and I can understand why you are confused and worried yet are keeping faith in God’s mercy.

I will start by explaining my understanding of sexuality and how it works then provide some advice.

Sexuality is something that is shaped and influenced by both nature (our genes and hormone levels) and nurture (the society and our family values).

There is not “gay gene” per se, but our biochemistry affects the way we feel and feelings are involved in our romantic and sexual preferences.

Each of us has been proportioned with our nature and nurture which Allah (swt) has destined for us.

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In your case sister, it sounds to me like your attraction for same-sex exists but it may not be as sexual as you think.

When a person desires another, it could be a desire for intimacy, closeness, and validation.

To feel that you want to be hugged and kissed by another woman is not the same as wanting to have sexual intercourse with her.

The love you are looking for may be similar to the love we want through the bond of a mother or sister.

Since this is a complex matter, I would encourage you to seek therapy to process your sexuality more closely. Have hope, sister.

Below are points that can aid you to overcome same-sex attraction.

Client’s motivation and desire to change as well as patience with the process (based on research, the average treatment span for reparative therapy is at least 1 year).

Relying on a higher power to assist and transform SSA.

Working through any sexually traumatic events which have influenced SSA with a therapist.

Attending ‘Ex-gay’ support groups or SSA support groups online.

Avoid SSA behavior and promote heterosexual behavior and romantic experiences.

Establish a healthy platonic relationship with males. Start with men in your family such as fathers, brothers, and uncles.

Visualization of desired goals, future life of healthy marriage or entering Jannah.

Family Support

May God give you patience and wisdom on your journey!


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About Karim Serageldin
Karim Serageldin, founder of Noor, completed his BA in psychology & religion, followed by an MA in east-west psychology with a specialization in spiritual counseling. He is a certified life coach with years of teaching and community outreach experience. His practical work and research includes developing a modern framework of Islamic psychology, relationship, family and youth coaching. He provides seminars and workshops in the United States. You can contact Br. Karim at: or