I started taking religion seriously in 2019. This was the journey into discovering many good things about Islam but also being faced with the prospect on whether Islam is a religion that is inherently advantageous to men.
I have come to understand the rulings behind laws on polygamy in the Dunya. From what I have read, the context is very important. What I cannot understand is polygamy in Jannah.
Reading in the Qur'an that Allah promises men many beautiful spouses was a reading that left me in tears and the pain of which I haven't fully recovered from.
My greatest desire for myself in the next life is to have a soulmate who will treasure and respect me. One who will stay by my side. The catch is that I always envisioned this as a monogamous relationship.
I kept this hope close to my heart for the past decade. After reading into the rules Allah has set forth, I'm not sure of myself anymore. I always believed that Allah would give me a choice on who I spent my next life with as I have been given the choice on who I spend this life with.
However, reading many views on religion, it seems that I will have no such room to hope.
A woman will be with no one but her husband. She will be one of his wives and she will be pleased. All the jealousy will be removed from her heart.
It's not that I don't want to spend the afterlife with my husband, it's that I dream of being with the one who is the partner to my soul or zawj. I feel the gas lighting is so incredibly intense in the Muslim community and I'm pushed to the point of wondering whether I should even consider continuing with Islam, especially when I've been feeling so miserable.
I feel resentful that things have been made easy for men, that all the things men desire, they can be certain they will get, including intercourse with beautiful women. On the other hand, I as a woman wanting to be respected as an equal is not something that is possible.
For me, a relationship is more than just physical. It is an emotional connection between two souls. I don't feel this is reflected in what I read in the afterlife. I'm left with so much doubt and confusion.
I would really appreciate guidance on this.
In this counseling answer:
Allah loves His servants very much. And has promised those that make it to Jannah that they will get whatever their heart desires and will be happy.
Muslim men and women who are allowed to enter Jannah are given the opportunity to get whatever they wish for.
Both men and women are equal before Allah.
As salamu alaykum,
Shokran for your questions regarding marriages, Jannah, equality, choices and desiring a soulmate. Congratulations on your journey learning more about Islam alhamdulillah.
Studying and discovering Islam is a blessing and a wonderful experience, however it can also lead to many questions.
The questions that you have need to be answered so that you can understand with clarity what a certain surah/ayat, or hadith means.
By clarifying, clearing up any misunderstandings, and receiving the correct meaning, you can find peace in the fact that Allah swt is a just God, and He loves women and men equally.
Desire for a Husband/Soulmate
Sister, your desire for a husband who is your soulmate and you are his- is a natural feeling and longing.
The desire to not want to share your husband here- or in Jannah is also understandable.
As humans we do feel certain ways about those we love such as our children, mothers, fathers, husband, sisters and so on.
In the context of these feelings it would also be hard to conceptualize that a beloved husband would desire and love someone else.
You do understand polygamy and the purpose it may serve here on earth as indicated in your question.
It is permissible but Allah also put strict laws on it as well to ensure justice, fairness, and accountability. As not all men chose to be polygamous, some women do choose to be in polygamous relationships and find they are happy.
For most men and women, it is a choice sister. However, when a man choses polygamy, if he does not fulfill Allah’s laws regarding it, he will face Allah’s wrath.
While there is not a responsibility placed on the women in polygamy, there is a heavy one placed on the man.
Check out this counseling video:
Not Letting Fear or Confusion Separate you from Allah and Knowledge
Sister insha’Allah please do not let things you may not fully understand yet come between you and Allah. Or your continuing to receive the blessed message from the Qur’an.
When we are drawing closer to Allah and gaining knowledge, the shaitan loves it when he can add a confusion.
As stated, you understand why polygamy is often utilized here, but you don’t understand what is the reason for it in Jannah.
Polygamy-Houris in Jannah
After reading the Quran you found that Allah promises many beautiful spouses (houris) for men. And it bothered you so much that it left you in tears and such pain that you have not fully recovered from it.
You stated that your greatest desire in the next life is to have a soulmate who will treasure and respect you. You’ve always envisioned this as a monogamous relationship.
Sister, I am not an Islamic scholar therefore I kindly advise you to consider directing this question to our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more scholarly ruling.
However, what I can advise you is that Allah loves His servants very much. And has promised those that make it to Jannah that they will get whatever their heart desires and will be happy.
If you make it to Jannah and desire only your husband-Allah will provide for you that. When you desire he only has one wife, Allah will provide you that.
However if your husband wants more than one wife, Allah will provide that for him as well-without compromising your happiness or wishes in Jannah. How? I do not know!
I just know that in Jannah we are equal, our wishes, our desires are so mercifully granted by Allah swt. And only HE knows how all this will be created in order that all HIS servants are happy and fulfilled.
If you desire a soulmate and husband who loves you and is married to only you in Jannah, insha’Allah that is what you will have.
There are also some men who will be in Jannah who will not want Houris’s or more than one wife-that is not their wishes or happiness goals, therefore they will only have one wife if that is their desire.
Allah says, “Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness.” Az-Zukhruf 43: 70.
Everyone in Jannah will be Happy
Allah says that everyone is Jannah is equal and everyone will have all wishes and happiness granted.
How does Allah do this if there is a conflict such as one wants to be polygamous and enjoy the Houris and the one he is married to does not?
I do not know but-look how Allah swt created all the universe, the synchronization of the seasons, the birds, animals, plants, and the miracles of conception and life itself.
Do you think that for one minute Allah could not do such a feat -that to us mere humans seem conflicted? No! It is easy for Allah swt!
Stand on Faith
I would kindly advise you sister to stand on what Allah has said regarding this.
By trusting Allah swt with all of our hopes and dreams for not only this life, but the afterlife, which is more important. That is how we are exemplifying the utmost Iman.
Given that yes, there are some unknowns and only Allah Knows Best, we as Muslims are striving to perfect our deen, our worship, knowledge and our faith.
Insha’Allah may we all as Muslims strive to be at a point in our spirituality that we know that Allah will always have our best interest because He is so loving and merciful.
When we truly know and feel this, we can be assured Allah will be just towards all who make it to Jannah-male or female. “Lo! I suffer not the work of any worker, male or female, to be lost” Al `Imran 3: 195”.
According to AboutIslam.net, ‘Muslim men and women who are allowed to enter Jannah are given the opportunity to get whatever they wish for. This is clearly stated in the Quran and Hadith.’
So, if women don’t want their husbands to have more than one wife, they could be granted this wish. At the same time, if the husbands of these women want to have more than one, then Allah is great and can satisfy each of them in the way He wants.
The main point sister is to consider that Jannah is a blessing we strive for, and both men and women are equal before Allah.
Please do seek guidance from the “Ask the Scholar” section sister if you still have concerns, may Allah swt forgive me if I am incorrect in any of my words.
Allah says, “Verily, the Muslims, men and women, the believers, men and women… Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward,” Al-Ahzab 33: 35.
We wish you the best.
“Verily, the Muslims, men and women, the believers, men and women… Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward” Al-Ahzab 33: 35
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees are liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.