However, I am struggling with a deep internal dilemma: how can I be certain that my faith is truly for Allah and not just an unconscious way to justify or maintain my relationship? When I ask myself this question the answer is always that this is the right path for me, as everytime I pray I feel a deep tranquility and isolation from the noise of everyday life and anxiety.
But I am terrified of being insincere or realizing later that my conversion was driven by human attachment rather than spiritual conviction. What if one day, in years, we are married and I realize that I did it for her?
This is a deep issue and an analytic person like me will always doubt everything he does. How can I test the sincerity of my heart? Are there specific signs or spiritual exercises that can help me isolate my connection with Allah from my feelings for my partner, so I can be sure I am choosing this path for the right reasons?
Answer
- Major and profound changes in a person’s life usually happen because of something deeply impactful. Sometimes it is a tragedy, an illness, or a hardship—but sometimes it is love.
- While someone may play a role in introducing you to Islam, maintaining the connection—making the daily effort to worship, to seek knowledge, and to live this lifestyle—comes from you.
Assalamu alaikum, brother,
Thank you for your question. You mentioned that your journey to Islam began through a relationship with a Muslim woman. Now, you are building a halal relationship, alhamdulillah.
However, you still have a deep internal dilemma: you wonder whether you are truly doing this for the sake of Allah, or if you are only doing it to maintain your relationship.
When you ask yourself this question, the answer you come back to is that this path feels right for you. Every time you pray, you feel a deep sense of tranquility.
Still, you fear that you may be insincere with yourself—that your conversion may be driven more by human attachment than by true spiritual conviction. You worry: What if I later realize that I did this not for Allah, but because of her?
Brother, first of all, congratulations on your spiritual journey.
Multiple Intentions
I think the fact that you are worried about your sincerity (niyyah) is actually a sign of faith. But intention usually is complex and we can have multiple motivations. Sincere intention is not necessarily 100% pure intention for the sake of Allah.
So, if you have ever thought something like, “If my intention isn’t 100% pure, then my faith is fake“, know that this is not true. That your relationship also played a role in your choice does not mean that you did not do it for Allah.
Deep Impact Leads to Change
I also want you to know that many people come into contact with Islam through other individuals who have a strong and meaningful presence in their lives. Those people often serve as a bridge, drawing attention to a different way of life and, eventually, to faith and conversion.
I understand your concern, and you are right that we often hear people say, “Do not choose your faith because of love.” Perhaps this is at the core of your dilemma, and that is completely understandable.
However, it is also important to recognize that major and profound changes in a person’s life usually happen because of something deeply impactful. Sometimes it is a tragedy, an illness, or a hardship—but sometimes it is love.
It can be someone close to your heart who causes you to question the meaning of life and helps you realize that you are inclined toward a different path.
Your Effors
From what you described, it does not seem to me that you are doing this for her alone. Rather, it seems that she was a means—by the will of Allah!—through which Islam was introduced to you. Do not forget that Allah guides whom He wills. My evidence for this is your own experience and words: you pray, and you find comfort and peace in prayer.
While someone may play a role in introducing you to Islam, maintaining the connection—making the daily effort to worship, to seek knowledge, and to live this lifestyle—comes from you, not from her. For me, your actions are proof that this commitment is personal and sincere.
You can foster your connection to Islam independently of your partner. For ex:
- Pray alone sometimes, not just together
- Learn Islam independently (read Qur’an with translation, watch classes, ask questions)
- Make personal duʿā’ in your own words
- Seek and build connections with other Muslims.
Furthermore, if you reflect rationally on the foundations of Islam—your belief in one Creator, that there is no deity worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad ﷺ is the final Messenger—and you find this message reassuring, comforting, and peace-giving, then this is strong evidence that, in this present moment, you are doing this for yourself and for Allah.
The genuine spiritual peace you experience in your prayers is not something that can be forced or faked. It is a sign of sincerity and a real connection. Trust that Allah knows what is in your heart, and continue seeking Him with honesty and humility.
May Allah make your path easy and keep your heart firm.