Answer
In this counseling post:
- Being a kind and loving husband and a nurturing father are also highly important in marriage.
- If someone would reject you based on that, ask yourself if that is really the type of woman you would want to marry.
- Look for someone who is more interested in her potential husband’s level of faith and his character, and be honest about your capabilities.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahamatulahi wa barakatuh,
Having a health condition is surely one of Allah’s greatest tests. In this case, the test comes not only from having such a health condition but also from the limitations that it can place upon you.
You have mentioned one of the biggest challenges that could be faced by a man with a condition that may hinder his ability to work and therefore provide for his family.
Islamically, it is the man’s responsibility, and so you are worried about even being able to find a wife if you may struggle to fulfill this obligation.
Abilty to Work
I understand how this must be causing you a lot of distress. While I cannot advise against what we know is Islamically obligatory, I hope I can share some insight into alternative ways to approach the situation.
Firstly, regarding your ability to work, while this may be hindered and unpredictable, there are ways to work around this, working with your condition rather than fighting it. Alhamdulillah, the world has become a lot larger with lots of online options available that allow for flexibility.
Some Possibilites
This is particularly useful for many types of people, including those who have conditions such as yours. Lots of organizations offer hybrid or online-only options for work.
Even more flexible would be freelance work. If you have a particular skill that you could offer on a freelance basis, this allows for complete flexibility where you work on your own terms in your own time, doing as much or as little work as you can when you can.
You might even find that there are charities that work with people with conditions like your own that offer support to find work that is suitable or could help with accommodating your situation by providing support in the workplace or perhaps even financial accommodation in terms of helping with certain costs of living.
This is something that you might try looking into locally in your country of residence.
Other Qualities
Additionally, regarding marriage and your responsibilities, providing financially is one of your obligations, but there are others that your condition doesn’t have to stand in the way of.
A wife will be looking for someone to be a kind and loving husband who will be a nurturing father to their child. These are qualities that are not even related to working and providing for your family but are also highly important in marriage and will be what a woman is looking for.
I would recommend being honest with any potential wife from the start regarding your situation so that they don’t ever feel like you misled them.
If the most important thing to the woman is that you are working long hours for high pay and they feel like your condition would not allow for that and reject you based on that, then you might ask yourself if that is really the type of woman you would want to marry anyway if that is her priority.
It’s almost like your condition allows you to naturally filter out those who may be interested in you for the wrong reasons.
What Really Matters
Instead, a woman who is more interested in her potential husband’s level of faith and his character would more easily overlook the possibility that your condition could affect your ability to work at some point.
As I said, honesty from the start, before you even marry, will help establish trust from the very beginning. It will also allow your character to shine through.
Regarding work, you might even let her know that you are willing to try your hardest within your capabilities and that you are aware that it is your responsibility, so that she knows that you are aware of your obligations and are not avoiding them for no reason.
May Allah reward your desire to follow the deen of Islam and fulfill the rights of your potential wife, despite any challenges you may face. May He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.
More from Hannah Morris:
- My Brother Is Against Me Marrying a Girl with Trauma
- Not Attracted to the Girl I’m Engaged With!
- I Have a Skin Disease: Will I Ever Get Married?
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