Q I am married for 12 years hamdulillah and have 3 kids. For the past years, my husband has been addicted to porn and chatting. He had told me once about wife swapping some years ago, and I was against it. I explained to him that this was against Islam and our culture. He convinced me saying that he was not interested in it; he was just sharing this topic with me. Although he stopped talking about it in front of me, he was in constant touch with such sites. He was having chats with many couples, but I did not know about this.One day when I caught him doing that, we had a heated argument. He told me that there was no seriousness in his chats; he was just fantasizing. He said he knew his limits, and he would not cross them for sure. But he continued to do the same. We had many arguments on this after that whenever I saw him chatting late at night. But nothing changed. He was very stubborn and never accepted his mistakes, and always blamed me for suspecting him. I tried to send him many articles about that porn was haram which I had found on your site, but all in vain.Once I also saw many pictures of nude ladies on his laptop which he had downloaded. I was also shocked seeing his own nude picture on his laptop. When I questioned him about this, he told me that the picture was not his, and it was downloaded from a site. Again, he convinced me that there was no seriousness in this. He always convinced me about that he knows his limits and that he is not going to meet any ladies in real life. That is just net contact and nothing more than that. I trusted him. I was really frustrated after 3 long years during which I was trying hard to pull him out of this habit, but I couldn't.I thought of creating a fake profile and check out what he was chatting about with the ladies or couples. I invited him to chat using another fake name. On the first chat, he asked me to meet him and told me that he had met a lady before, who was a non-Muslim, in a hotel room and had spent the night with her. This aroused my curiosity, and I agreed to meet him. He also told me that he had enjoyed it very much the last time with the lady, and he really wanted to try this again with me. As I was becoming more curious, I made 4 other chats with him during which he shared every detail about his wife with me as a stranger. He was telling that he was not satisfied with his wife and wanted fun and excitement outside. I asked him many times if he did not think that he was cheating his wife, but he felt he was not doing anything wrong, and he didn't think much about it; he just wanted to meet, have fun, and forget. He promised there would be no emotional strings. He sent me his nude picture and was talking about sex and all rubbish stuff. lipstick_collarI wanted to know whether he would go to the end or he was just chatting as he had said to me. I asked him to book a room. The next day we planned a meeting in the hotel room. I went to the hotel wearing a burqa’ in which he could not recognize me. He was so much excited about this that he had done everything to satisfy that woman. He had shaved his chest which he has not done in the last 10 years of our married life and carried everything possible to satisfy that woman whom he was going to meet. We met at the hotel room, and I was shocked as I was still not sure that he would come, but he came there. As he saw me there, he started convincing me that it was the whispering of Satan, and he came for such meeting for the first time. He has not done anything like this before. He cried, begged and did everything to convince me. He sweared that he had not done this before and would never repeat it again in his life. He told me that he learnt the lesson and that I brought him to the right path at the right time.I was again convinced. I didn't have any other option; I had to think of my children's future, too. I thought of forgiving him and asked him to start a new life altogether. Then he started blaming me that I was the only one who had provoked him for this because he had not done anything wrong previously, except chatting. He said that I had actually wanted to make him feel guilty and that is why I had planned all this. Instead of feeling guilty for his acts, he was making me feel guilty that I had done something wrong! I told him that whatever I did was to save my marriage. 3 more years have passed, and he still continues to chat, but may be less than before. I see it many times, but now I don’t confront him because this would just cause fight between us.He has this habit of fantasizing, and he even asks me whether I fantasize about anybody. It seems he gets excited thinking that someone wants to **** me. I am really shocked with my husband’s fantasies which I am really ashamed of, but I don’t want to divorce him. I pray to Allah for my husband, but I am really confused what can be done to improve my marriage. How can I help my husband out of these fantasies without harming our relationship because he avoids talking about this. He just closes the discussion. I am really worried and have become very insecure. Please help me out.