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He Deceives Women by Saying He’s Not Married

23 March, 2022
Q Salam. I have been married for 2 years now. I just had my baby. Before we got married, my husband used to pray, but since we got married, he started skipping prayers and now he doesn’t pray at all. He is also committing adultery with different women and one of them even got pregnant. She is going to deliver now. But he still hasn’t stopped. He deceives girls by saying that he is not married. Please help me. I have been praying to Allah to change him, but it seems He isn’t answering my prayers. What shall I do?

Answer


In this counseling answer:

“I kindly suggest that you approach him and tell him you love him and would like to save the marriage, but that you cannot live in a marriage in which haram acts are being committed. Ask him if he would be willing to go for marriage counseling with you or speak with your imam concerning this issue.”

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As Salamu ‘Alaikum sister, 

Thank you for writing to us. First, congratulations on your new baby! While I am sure this is a time of immense joy for you, I realize it is also a time of sorrow and possibly depression as your husband has been cheating on you. I am so sorry you are going through this. As you just had a baby, this is supposed to be a most special time of bonding and joy between husband and wife. As you know, in Islam, what your husband does is haram, and he will be accountable to Allah for this unless he repents and changes.

While I am not sure where in Nigeria you are located, I suggest dear sister that in sha’ Allah you seek counseling from a therapist in your area to help you deal with the emotional ramifications that can result from a cheating spouse. From that point, you can decide if you want to divorce him or stay and try to make the marriage work. As your husband has been skipping prayers since you were married as well as cheating, I am wondering if you had the chance to get to know him prior to marriage in a halal way. Getting to know one’s future spouse is very important, as you can see. It could be that he always skipped prayers and was always a player (cheater/commit zina). So, maybe what you are seeing dear sister is how he actually always lived his life.

With that said, I kindly suggest that you approach him and tell him you love him and would like to save the marriage, but that you cannot live in a marriage in which haram acts are being committed. Ask him if he would be willing to go for marriage counseling with you or speak with your imam concerning this issue.

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If he refuses sister, you have to decide whether you can live with this. Please know that you do have grounds for divorce (khula) and you do not need his permission. Please keep yourself safe if you decide to divorce as he may get angry and retaliate. If you have family or friends in the area whom you can stay with, that would be best in sha’ Allah. But again, try to save your marriage first by going to marriage counseling and perhaps in sha’ Allah getting to the root of his haram and hurtful behaviors. Stay close to Allah, make du’aa’ and ask for His guidance and protection.

You are in our prayers dear sister. Please let us know how you are doing.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.