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He Turned Violent & Unfaithful After Marriage

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Jun 06, 2018

Question

As-salamu 'alaikom.

I'm writing about some major issues I have with my husband. I had known him before we got married. We had a haram relationship. I chose to leave the relationship and I repented. I met someone else who immediately wanted to propose and do things the right way. The man I left found out about the new person and spoke to his family to come and ask for me. I accepted his proposal because of our past together and because he seemed sincere. He repented and was ready to have a halal relationship.

A year after our wedding, I found out that he had had haram relationships with several women after our wedding. He smokes weed and meth even though he promised to quit (and did quit) before we got married. I am 4 months pregnant and I am in desperate need of advice. He doesn't fast in Ramadan. He refuses to pray, and he has declined to get professional help. He has also been violent with me.

What should I do? I told his family about the women, but they tell me "don't let them get to you they are lying!" So, I just ask Allah for help and to guide him. Do you think I should tell his family about the weed? I have been patient and made du’aa, but I can't tolerate his habbit of taking drugs.

Counselor

Answer


He Turned Violent & Unfaithful After Marriage

In this counseling answer:

• If your husband hasn’t sincerely repented, these haram behaviors may continue with other women, drugs, and now violence.

• Call the hotline, meet with a counselor and make plans to leave. Get to a safe place!


As-Salamu `Alaikum dear sister,

Thank you for writing in with your question. I am a bit confused about the sequence of events here. If I understand the situation correctly, you left the man whom you were having a haram relationship with. Then you met someone nice and pious, but married the man you were in a relationship with anyhow?

If this is correct, and I think it may be, I am sorry to hear of your problems with your husband. Sadly, when we engage in haram relationships, it is because of many reasons. However, what it boils down to it that we do not follow Islam, nor fear Allah (swt) enough.

If your husband has not truly repented for his past behavior with you, (despite saying he has) or changed his ways to live a truly pious life, then these haram behaviors may continue with other women, drugs, and now violence.

It appears, my dear sister, that you have repented, and you are striving to live a pious life. However, you are now in a dangerous relationship that is filled with cheating, drug, abuse, and violence.


Check out this counseling audio:


Seek Help Now!

You are also pregnant. I urge you to seek help now. I do not know where you live, but here is a link to the Domestic Violence Hotline in USA. Meth is no joke. It’s an extremely volatile drug that leads to horrific violence and those who use meth can become enraged with superhuman strength. Please, do seek help quickly for the sake of you and your unborn child.

Speaking with his parents is a waste of time. You need to be somewhere safe, now! I would not tell him or his family anything. Call the hotline, meet with a counselor and make plans to leave. In sha’ Allah, they can help you. Again, do not tell him as it may trigger further violence. In sha’ Allah, please make contact with them as soon as possible before something worse happens. He is playing with a demon, and you are caught in the middle. I fear for you. Please take my suggestions very seriously.

There is no time to wait or talk things through. Please be safe when you reach out for help, but do reach out!

Salam,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

Husband Abuses Me and My Kids and Blames Me for It

Shall We Go Back to My Abusive Husband?

Tips on How to Deal with an Abusive Husband

 




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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