Wa ‘Alaikum Salaam my dear sister in Islam,
Thank you for your question and I am glad that you are seeking help with this issue.
Because this man is violent with you and your children, and even from the time your son was a tiny baby, you should not go back to him! Your duty to Allah (swt) is to protect your children! In terms of your duty to Allah (swt), that is your most important job. You have to consider your children’s safety in this world—in addition to your safety with Allah (swt) (in the Next, which means getting in Jannah, by the Grace and Mercy and Forgiveness of Allah [swt])! A Hadith says that each person has a charge which we will be asked about, and the mother’s charge is her children (not her husband). So, your first concern in front of Allah (swt) is to make sure that your children are properly cared for!
You need to figure out why you want to go back to this man when you know that your children’s and your safety (in this world and the Next) is at risk. You said you know that you should not go back to him for their safety and yours! So, something is really corrupting your mind! Please try to figure out what that is. Break it down so you defeat it. I think it is obvious that Shaitan is in this situation because it is not “natural” for a mother to put her children in danger. So something strong in your psychology is overpowering your maternal instinct. You need to figure out what that is to begin to solve that problem, by the Guidance and Help of Allah (swt).
To do that, you may need the help of a counselor/therapist. Since you do not have money, it may not be an option for you. Maybe it is your need for money that is attracting you to go back to this violent, abusive man in Egypt; he takes care of your material and monetary needs when you are with him. If he “really” loved you, he would give you money if you were with him or not—because real love is caring selflessly for another person. To love just for our own benefit is not “real” love. Real love is feeling pain for someone when you find out that they are hungry, or homeless, or suffering in any way. If he really loved you, he would send you money when he heard that you were suffering. However, he is not doing that. He is baiting you to come back to him by offering to pay your way if and when you are with him. He knows you are in need of food, etc., so may be trying to get you to come back to him for his money—which he will give you ONLY if you come back to him.
Most righteous Muslims won’t let a sister and children go hungry if they hear they need, whether they benefits (in a worldly sense) from giving to them or not.
May Allah (swt) guide you and make it easy for you. Please ask Allah (swt) to make another way for you to get money and feed yourself and your children so that you have no more temptation to return to that violent man, for the sake of your soul and your children’s and your safety, in this world, too.
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