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My Uncle Sexually Abused Me; I Feel Depressed

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 14, 2017

Question

Assalamu alaikum! I have been sexually abused by my maternal uncle since I was 5 (this is what I know, but according to him he was doing it since I was 2) who played with my mind and my emotions. When I got to know that it was haram and one of the biggest sins one ever can done, I felt so guilty. That time the only thing came to my mind was to be with someone who can make me forget about all that. Then a man came into my life. He is my teacher and around 40 whom I loved a lot, but he couldn't marry me nor did he want to as he was already married. When we discovered that we having feelings for each other and we are going too close to what we should not do, he left me. After all this happened to me, I asked help from ALLAH. I feel much better even though I still miss that person but now I know that I shouldn't have ever talked to him as he is not mine and he has a beautiful family life. Now I try to keep myself busy with work and studies as I am in the best university of my country and plan to go abroad for grad studies. I offer my prayer five times a day and try to discuss all my problems with ALLAH and in recite Quran. But still, I feel I am living a life I somehow not belong to, maybe it is because I used to be with a man in my past. What’s going on with me? Please help me and guide me.

Counselor

Answer


My Uncle Sexually Abused Me; I Feel Guilty

In this counseling answer:

“What your uncle did to you was not your fault; being at such a young age, you did not know what was right and wrong. Remember, Allah (swt) will punish your uncle in this world or the next. Focus on yourself and your well-being. This abuse has set a big scar on you, but in sha’ Allah, with the help of Allah (swt) and a therapist and/or support group, you will be able to move on and live a life filled with joy and happiness.”


As-Salam ‘Aleikom,

I am very sorry to hear about what you have been through. It hurts to know what has been done to an innocent child. Unfortunately, sexual abuse is actively hidden in the Pakistani society.

You were a child and you trusted your uncle. He should have been protecting you and be nice to you, but instead, he abused and hurt you. What he did to you was not your fault; being at such a young age, you did not know what was right and wrong. He knew, but still, he chose to abuse you. That is what abusers do; they manipulate and play with the victims. It is shame on him and I personally refuse to believe that he will ever be forgiven for what he has done to you. And Allah (swt) knows best.

However, you did wrong by having a relationship with your teacher. He was already married and much older than you. But again, he was mature and should have known better and not developed a haram contact with you. Clearly, he just wanted to have some fun and was not serious with you in regards to marriage.

I can understand that your situation with your uncle must have made you very unstable and disturbed, and made you take this wrong step to be with another man. You must remember that what you went through with your uncle is not right at all and not your fault, and this 40-year-old man was not sincere with you either.

You are still very young and have a future ahead of you, so try focusing on your studies and forget what about the past. I know it is easy to say, and it’s not easy to do at all, but you will have to try. I advise you to pray to Allah (swt) and ask for peace of mind and forgiveness for your mistakes in the past.

Whenever you feel like you cannot stop thinking about what has happened to you, write it down on a paper and then throw it away. It can be therapeutic to put your feelings and thoughts down on a paper.

Nobody has to know anything as it can be hard to talk about abuse. But I advise you to seek help from a qualified therapist or join a support group for adult survivors of child abuse.

It is completely normal to feel how you are feeling. It is due to the abuse you have gone through. Sexual abuse can cause long term depression, and that is what I think you are suffering from. It might be a good idea to seek help from someone professional, either a psychologist or a counselor. They will be able to help you and you can talk to them without feeling afraid of what they will think of you. They deal with this kind of cases almost every day, and they know how to help.

If you want, you could also tell someone in your family who you trust about your uncle, so he doesn’t do it to some other child again. Unfortunately, most abusers don’t stop this perverted act until they are caught.

Remember, Allah (swt) will punish your uncle in this world or next. Just focus on yourself and your well-being. You can’t change what happened, but you can accept it and move on with your life. This abuse has set a big scar on you, but in sha’ Allah, with the help of Allah (swt) and a therapist and/or support group, you will be able to move on and live a life filled with joy and happiness.

May Allah (swt) ease your tension and give you all happiness and peace of mind you deserve.

Ameen,

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.




About Hadia Ali

Hadia Ali is a 27 years old Pakistani Muslim woman, born and bred in Norway. She has obtained her bachelor's degree in Sociology from Norway. Currently, she lives in the UK with her husband and two children. Email: [email protected]

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