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I’m Bullied at Work; Shall I Resign?

Questioner

Anonymous

Reply Date

Aug 21, 2019

Question

I did an istakhara a few months ago and received a clear answer. It was related to my job. I am being bullied and harassed by my colleagues.

I got a clear no on whether I should resign. I am emotionally exhausted. Should I do istakhara again? Or is this too soon? Can you tell a dua for peace and safety? JazakAllah.

Counselor

Answer


I’m Bullied at Work; Shall I Resign?

In this counseling answer:

• Even though you feel that you got a clear answer, you may have interjected feelings while you were praying.

• Please do consult our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more precise answer regarding this istikhara.

• Trust in Allah and use our common sense when evaluating the situation.

• You can choose to stand up to it, file a complaint with your boss and or the company.


As salamu alaykum,

Thank you for writing to us. As I understand, you are being bullied and harassed at work. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. How cruel. I imagine it is most hurtful sister and causes you to not even want to work there. You should not have to put up with being bullied and harassed sister.

Bullies

Sister, our world is filled with bullies – people who take pleasure in harming others. How sick. Those who bully in order to self-validate themselves due to low self-esteem.

Sister, please don’t ever lose sight of who you are, how wonderful and capable you are despite the bullies. I admire your resolve in staying as long as you have; however, perhaps you need to think about a change insha’Allah as this is not a healthy situation for you.

I’m Bullied at Work; Shall I Resign? - About Islam

Istikhara

Sister, you stated that you did istikhara prayer for an answer relating to your job and the bullying. You stated you received a clear answer to stay. I am wondering what the clear answer was.

Even though you feel you received a clear answer, you are still being bullied and harassed by your colleagues. Sister, even though you feel that you got a clear answer you may have interjected feelings while you were praying.

According to AboutIslam, “Istikhara guides you to the path best for you concerning an affair with two lawful options. In matters that are obligatory, forbidden or disliked there is no need to pray Istikhara”.

I would like to point out sister that bullying and harassment can be a form of oppression and oppression is a thing that is not liked, and hence does not require Istikhara. As you did make istikhara prayer, realize that results can take many forms.

“Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favorable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for what you have expected or not.” When you got the results sister did you feel good? Did you feel things would change? Have things gotten better or worse at the job? The outcomes (such as what you are experiencing now) may be an answer.

Please do consult our “Ask the Scholar” section for a more precise answer regarding this.

Tests and Trials

Oftentimes, sister, we are tested in this life as you know. Perhaps if you wait out the bullying and harassment it will stop, and you will be elevated to a higher position. Perhaps this will not be the case. Perhaps it will only get worse and it will wear you down even further.

Regarding people who are oppressed, Allah says that He will not change the condition of a people unless they changed the conditions within themselves. In your case, this may mean changing jobs or actively seeking to stop the bullying, which may be difficult.

Changing Conditions

Sister, you may feel that you are supposed to stay in the situation and perhaps you are not. Perhaps you are to change the situation within yourself and seek another job. Allah does not want us to be bullied and harassed and harmed.

Often times as stated, we will go through tests and trials that have different outcomes. Perhaps the outcome from this one would be that you got a different job. Perhaps the other outcome would be that you persevered, utilize patience and the bullying and harassment stopped and you got promoted. It is difficult to tell. The one thing that is apparent is that it is harming you. The one thing we can do in situations like this is trust in Allah and use our common sense when evaluating the situation and make choices which are good for us and our religion.

Choices

At this point, you may want to explore other job options. You may wish to utilize this time to also learn how to effectively respond to bullying and harassment. Please see The Balance Careers. You can choose to stand up to it, file a complaint with your boss and or the company.


Check out this counseling video:


Whatever you choose, just know that Allah does want you to be safe and happy and not have to go through such persecution.

Please do decide whether or not you would like to stay or leave the position you are in. We do have choices in life. Explore your choices, make duaa and make an informed decision.

Safety in Allah

Sister, please consider getting a different job or addressing the bullying so you can have peace. Your health and safety are important. Make duaa to Allah for guidance and protection and recite Ayat Al Kursi. This is a powerful ayat which provides protection and safety.

It was narrated from Abdullah ibn Ubayy ibn Kab that his father told him that he had a vessel in which he kept dates. He used to check on it and found that the number was decreasing. So, he kept guard on it one night and saw a beast that looked like an adolescent boy. He said: I greeted him with salams and he returned my greeting, then I asked him, “What are you, a jinn or a human?” He said, “A jinn.” I said to him, “Show me your hand.” So, he showed me his hand, and it looked like a dog’s paw with dog’s fur. I said, “Do all the jinn look like this?” He said, “I know no one among the jinn who is stronger than I.” I said, “What made you do what you did [i.e., taking the dates]?” He said, “We heard that you are a man who loves charity, and we wanted to have some of your food.” Ubayy asked him, “What will protect us from you?” He said, “This verse, Ayat Al-Kursi.” Then the next day he [Ubayy] went to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and told him (about what had happened) and he said, “The evil one spoke the truth”.

We wish you the best.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

How to Deal with Bullies?

How to Stop a Bully?

Stand Your Ground: School Bullies in America

 




About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha received her PhD in psychology in 2000 and an MS in public health in 2009. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years for Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. Aisha specializes in trauma, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, marriage/relationships issues, as well as community-cultural dynamics. She is certified in Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and is also a certified Life Coach. Aisha works at a Family Resource Center, and has a part-time practice in which she integrates healing and spirituality using a holistic approach. Aisha plans to open a holistic care counseling center for Muslims and others in the New York area in the future, in sha' Allah. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocate for social & food justice. In her spare time she enjoys her family, martial arts classes, Islamic studies as well as working on her book and spoken word poetry projects.

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