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I’m Stuck in a Collapsed Marriage; What to Do?

08 July, 2023
Q Assalamu alaykum, I just had my baby 4 months ago, since then my marriage has totally collapsed. We have been married for a little over two years, we had some problems previously but he is threatening to kick us out or abandon us.

Pregnancy was very difficult for me, I was in a lot of pain and constantly fatigued, I still went to work, cooked cleaned, and unpacked everything after our move to a new house in the middle of my third trimester, but my husband didn't think it was enough and constantly called me lazy.

After my daughter was born, he helped me around the house some as I was barely able to care for my daughter- until 6 weeks was up. 2 months ago, my old job asked if I was still coming back and offered me a remote position, my husband insisted I take it (so we could both work from home) even though I wasn't ready to go back to work and was struggling to take care of my daughter. From there, things got progressively worse.

I was totally exhausted from working full-time and caring for a baby all day. I asked for help with things around the house because I was so overwhelmed and since I can't trust him with the baby (he gets very rough with her if she cries). I could maybe get the bare minimum of help. He complains that the food I made isn't good enough, constantly asks why I can't lose weight, or tells me I wasn’t taking care of my daughter because tried to quickly eat before it was time for her next feed or because she is extra fussy. He remarks that he is having to live like he is single so he might as well be single. He frequently threatens to kick us out or abandon us and becomes extremely verbally abusive when he thinks I'm disrespecting him or not doing exactly what he wants the moment he wants it.

He knows I cannot leave as I'm from a non-Muslim family who I am not on good terms with, who would not likely take me in, and are retired. My husband makes very good money and leaving would mean my daughter would have a very poor quality of life. Surviving on my own with my daughter isn't possible where I live as the cost of living is very high and I don't make enough to even afford an apartment.

Marrying again is also extremely unlikely as this is my second marriage to yet another abusive person.

I don't know what to do. If I ask friends for help, he would find out, I don't know what he would do but there would be no saving the marriage after that. We have a lot of mutual friends and many people like him, even my non-Muslim family.

Because he makes very good money and I was previously married, I doubt people will listen to me or they will blame me and tell me this is my fault.

If this question doesn't get answered, please at least make dua for me and my daughter.


You feel exhausted and overwhelmed with the daily chores, your job, and nursing, yet your husband does not support you.

His constant criticism, threats, and discontentment can certainly be very frustrating.

What can you do?

Contact your parents or other relatives you feel comfortable with, even if you think that they would not be able to help you for one reason or another.

Seek help from them. It is a temporary solution, but it would help you feel better enough to think about your situation and make decisions about your future.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.