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Porn-Addict Husband Forced Me to Do Haram Sexual Practices

16 October, 2022
Q My 30 year old husband (smokes) has an erectile dysfunction, so he tries other sexual means to seek pleasure. He forces me to perform oral sex on him, and forced me to have anal sex when I repeatedly refused. He even tried stuff when I had my menstrual cycle and I was in utter pain from my symptoms but he didn’t care about haram or halal. I always complain to him with no use. He also avoids intercourse as much as he can because he cannot maintain an erection and doesn’t enjoy the feeling apparently. I can tell he was a porn addict because he proudly brags he used to masterbate 8 times a day. I am scared by his misbehavior and disgusting acts. Do I have a right to seek divorce. It has been 1 month and he’s already struggling and refuses to admit to me his dysfunction. The emotional abuse I go through has affected my mental health so severely I am depressed. I do not enjoy our sexual relationship and tried to avoid him several times for his misdemeanours. This is the way he treats me from a sexual narrative, let alone emotional or financial etc. what do I do?


Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatuh,

From what you have presented here, this certainly doesn’t read like a happy and satisfying marriage.

This is not what marriage should be, and so it is understandable why you are feeling the way you are.

Of course, I’m only reading one side of the story, but even if you are only highlighting this one thing and not presenting any of the other less offending, or even positive things, then even so, the presence of abuse is not acceptable. 

You should not be forced to do these things against your will, especially those that are haram

I’m sure you feel violated and I believe you have grounds for divorce on this alone. However, I am not a scholar and so cannot advise on this, so I would urge you to get scholarly advice on this.

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Seek Help

Given the situation, I would strongly suggest that you seek refuge somewhere with your family for now. This will take you away from the abuse and give you both the chance to reflect on what the future holds for you both. 

Contemplate On the Possibilities

Contemplate on whether there could be any chance he will change? Does he feel remorseful when you are gone and seek your forgiveness?

Would he accept going to counseling together to talk with someone through your issues to try and make positive change in your relationship? 

If he is willing and favorable to any of these things, is it worth the risk? 

Or is there a chance things could work out if he changes his ways? What do you love about him?

If he changes his sexual ways, would his positive traits be enough to bring you contentment in your marriage? 

Think about why you accepted his proposal in the first place. There must have been something that made you believe that he was worth marrying.

Consider the Consequences of Your Decision

If divorce is permissible and this is the route you choose to take, do give yourself enough time to be absolutely sure about it so that you never look back with any regrets that perhaps things could have worked out. 

Ideally, have some counseling first to know that you have at least tried to make it work, but it didn’t. You have been through a lot of trauma with him in just a month, so make sure you have the support you need around you too to make things easier for you. 

If you choose to try again, then make sure clear boundaries are set so that he doesn’t force you into anything haram again. There will be no second chances and if he does that, there will be consequences.

If it is that he has a porn addiction, then support him in getting the help he needs to deal with that too. You may need to get someone else to support you with this if it is something that he refuses to admit.

Take Care of Your Mental Health

Whichever path you choose to take, it’s very important that you take care of your mental health. 

If you are able to see a counselor for a bit of talk therapy to get that ongoing support, then this could be an option. Otherwise, just generally taking care of your wellbeing by looking after yourself is needed. 

Spend time with friends, do things that you love to do and find happiness in places other than the home too.

May Allah guide you to what is best for you and most pleasing to Him. May He grant you a loving spouse who brings you happiness and contentment in this life and the next.

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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Hannah Morris
Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (