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Toxic Marriage: I’m Staying for the Sake of the Kids!

22 November, 2022
Q Assalamualaikum, I am in a big dilemma. I'm married with 3 kids since day 1 my husband is very abusive. He doesn't respect me the problem with him is that he doesn't value my presence he thinks if I'm not there for him or his kids that’s ok his mom will take care of the kids. He doesn't appreciate or even says a good word I do all the work I'm asking him to respect and love me. Whenever he feels the need for physical intimacy, he sleeps inside the bedroom everyday he sleeps outside. Im fed up with this behavior because of the kids I am tolerating him. He has a very controlling behavior what should I do now my sabr is finished. Please guide me in the light of Allah. If I divorce him, he will not take the custody of the kids I'm struck in either ways. Please, guide

Answer

If you have been physically abused by your husband, you need to ask for help. 

Speak to your family or some member of the local community. You can go to the nearest counseling center or call a domestic violence hotline in your area. 

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It must be tiring and hurtful to be in a situation like this. But taking care of the physical and mental health of your children is critical; you have to make sure that they grow up in a safe place. 

If he is very controlling, you might need to take steps to prevent him from finding out that you are looking for help until you and your kids are safe. How?

Click on the video to listen to the full advice.

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About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.