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Don’t Wives Have Value in Islam?

14 August, 2019
Q Don’t wives have a value in Islam? I am a new revert. I am told repeatedly I can be replaced. I am also called by bad names and hit. My husband apologizes for the hit a couple hours later, but it doesn't change anything; it happens again. His mother supports and praises him for hitting me because I am of a different nationality and she sees all other nationalities beneath their nationality. I have taken verbal abuse from her, and he sits there as he believes defending me will upset his mother and upsetting one’s mother in Islam is forbidden.


In this counseling answer:

• Islam prohibits abuse. It is a sin.

• If you have family in the area, I suggest you reach out to them.

• Seek counseling.

As Salamu ‘Alaikum dear sister,

Yes! You have many rights in Islam as a Muslim, as a woman, as a wife, and a mother. Please see this link for a list of some of your rights. You have the right to be respected, loved, treated with kindness, provided for (maintained), to live in a peaceful home, to live in safety, to name a few.

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You are in an abusive relationship my dear sister. Islam prohibits abuse. It is a sin. You are not only being abused by your husband but your mother-in-law as well. It is appalling. Your husband says you can be replaced? So can he! You do not want to live in an abusive relationship anyhow. You are worth much more than that! You are a pious, intelligent, beautiful Muslimah who deserves the best of husbands. He is not one of the best.

I suggest you get yourself to a safe place and begin counseling to deal with the effects of abusive relationships as well as consulting with an attorney. This is not an Islamic marriage.

If you have family in the area, I suggest you reach out to them. If not and you feel you are in danger, contact the authorities, only if it is safe to do so. While I do not know where you live, please do follow up and look for counselors and domestic violence hotlines on the internet. However, after doing so, please take care to erase your browsing history.

Check out this counseling video:

Sister, Allah (swt) loves you and did not create marriage as a place of a battleground. He did not bless a man with a wife, so he could use her as his physical and verbal punching bag. This is not Islam. Sadly, this is a sickness prevalent in so many of today’s marriages worldwide.

Please seek counseling and a way out as soon as possible. Please seek refuge in Allah (swt) and make du’aa’ that He (swt) grants ease. He (swt) is the most merciful, sister. When you are in a stable situation, please do take the time to study Islamic rights of women. It will help clarify so much for you. Knowing our religion is a protection sister and gives us the wisdom to avoid hardships such as this.

You are in our prayers. Please do let us know how you are doing.


Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

Read more:

“I’ve the Right to Hit You”, Husband Says

Feeling Hopeless in My Abusive Marriage

Can a Muslim Woman Divorce Her Abusive Husband?

About Aisha Mohammad
Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.